Out of Sorts
I am feeling rather out-of-sorts today. I am not sure why, but the major factors that are likely contributing to it include:
1. I awoke this morning feeling tired and sore. The soreness was in my hip/pelvic region. The way I felt overall was similar to how I have felt when I have either not been able to sleep more than 2-3 hours or how I feel when I have had an instance of insomnia. Yet, to my knowledge, I slept soundly, and fully. And, I slept for 6 hours (at the higher end of my average).
2. My sole purpose in life today is to be a number crunching, data-inputing, parasitic appendage to my computer. It is grade determining time. It is a big bunch of mandatory tedium. I would rather be being all animated and fire-and-brimstone style lecturing in front of the classes rather than number crunching... hence why I wait to do it as long as possible.
3. Even though I am delighted to have a respite from teaching occur at the conclusion of this semester... I also know that part of my general malaise is because I also become a bit stressed about changes in routine. It happens every year at this time as my normal patterns of movement and activity become reshaped and changed for the new season.
[As an aside, I *think* that part of the reason why these changes in routine get my agitated is that I need to consciously *think* about what I am doing, and when, and what I need to do it.... which when I am in a routine, I do not typically need to do. And... this focusing my "thinking energy" on just getting through the day means I have little-to-no time left during the day to drift off into the more "interesting" thoughts I would rather engage in.... basically daydreaming.... sometimes about family, sometimes about research, sometimes about plans and goals, sometimes about more hedonistic pursuits (ie, sex, my pipe, libations, etc), somtimes just imagining stories and ideas. I think the *lack* of time to do this daydreaming gets me keyed up and stressed.]
4. I have some big plans on things I want to accomplish this Summer, but all the number crunching and all the latter part of the Semester events (the banquets, the awards efforts, the final concerts by some of my students, etc) makes my life so much more busy than usual that I feel lost... I feel my plans and aspirations are being shunted to the side as meaningless and unimportant.
So, that is, in an encapsulated form, why I *think* I am out of sorts.