A Blue Funk
I know I will get no sympathy about my condition, but I am going to describe it anyhow. I am in a bit of a "blue funk". This condition happens every year around this time, and is a malady that most of us professors feel, this the last few days prior to the start of a new semester.
Yes, I know, 90% of the populace does not get 8-9 weeks off every Summer. I do know that.
Yes, I know that feeling sad about the end of Summer and the start of a new Semester seems like a problem a lot of people would "relish" having.
Yes, I know that I by admitting I feel sad, I sound callous to the majority of people who work hard every single day and perhaps get 1-2 weeks off a year.
I know all that. Yet, being truthful as I always try to be in my writings here, I must say that those things I *know* above, do not change in any appreciable way, the meloncholy I feel about the end of the Summer. I *also know* however, that once my feet hit the pavement on the first day of classes, my disquiet will greatly diminish. See, what I do *also know* is that I love teaching. I enjoy my research. I enjoy serving on meaningful committees. So, once the ball starts rolling in the semester, I will find my bearings and will feel better.
What I do not find joy inducing are the a) petty, crab-*ss*d people who take pride in making a load of meaningless b*llsh*t paperwork for us that takes away from teaching, research, and service, b) meaningless meetings (usually scheduled at the most foolish of times) that drain out a person's resolve, and c) research rules and regulations that are busy nonsense that eats away the precious little time a person has to think, reason, plan and execute research.
And, a BIG part of why these last few days before the start of the semester are so meloncholy inducing is that a) these last few days are often eaten up in valiant, but unsuccessful attempts to thwart off the b*llsh*t so that the semester can start off nicely, b) life becomes more regimented and less free-flowing as it is in the Summer, and c) each and every year there are a bunch of semi-mandatory "social" functions that I detest and abhor attending. I keep my attendance at these things to a minimum, but to be frank.... these "social" events drain the energy out of my soul faster than a battery is drained if it shorts out on the fender of an old truck.
So, my goal over the next few days is to simply try to find a way to float sanguinely through the waves of the b*llsh*t, and coast through the anxieities until that day that the new Semester begins and a normal routine begins again. The normal routine of the Semester is my second favorite time of the year (Summer being my favorite time, as you should expect, with other Holidays being a favorite as well). I just have to slush through the thick as gravy b*llsh*t for the next while until I have that pleasant even keel feeling back.
One final note... as I have spoke of much during the last year, I have worked very hard to diminish the various b*llsh*t aspects that I have been weighted down under during the last few years. I am actually looking forward to assessing how successful I have been. If I have played my hand well, this year could return my life to the minimally b*llsh*t filled exisitance of my earlier years at the U. I think I have carefully played my hand well this past year, and should be able to bear some of those fruits this semester.