A Potential Breakthrough

Today I had a bit Of a break through of sorts. I became better able to understand some of my own behavior today. I realized, even though I always kind of knew it, that I get very obsessed when people speak angrily to me when there is no reason. Now don't get me wrong, if a person has a bad day and speaks grumpily, but apologizes there is no problem. It is when they are just speaking angry for no reason related to me, and they don't apologize that is the issue.

I realized today that when the above happens, I am up fretting and ruminating about it for a very long time. It is foolish for me to do this.  My first inclination is to want to confront them and explain how it made me feel. That usually ends badly, so I have learned to not confront the person immediately. But, the problem is that I  then ruminate, and ruminate, and ruminate over the issue wasting my own time and usually become angry myself in the process.  

The above happened today when I was interacting with a coworker who is supposed to help me with some aspects of one of my classes. This person was basically yelling at me about things that were not my fault. It took me a wihile to realize what I was doing and how it was a complete waste of my time.  However , when I figured out how foolish I was being with my own time, I was able to refocus and get back on track.  

I think this is an important thing for me to keep in mind when I get frustrated at others .  I think this is a fail airily common reason for me to get irritated and it is just plain foolishness for me to waste my time this way.  It IS my natural inclination to think and ruminate about these annoyances that sit unresolved, but if I can work at being more aware of them when they occur, I think I may be able to help myself resolve the pent up frustrations more readily.  I am going to try to be more aware of these situations when they occur.

PipeTobacco

To Be Better

Before Maas this weekend I went to confession, and my sins were the same as is unfortunately the norm for me.  I confessed to instances where I lacked patience that I should have had with various family members.  I described my sins of getting angry at people I should not have gotten angry at.  And, I described again how I found myself unable to be forgiving of the two people who hurt me horribly at work about two years ago.  This last sin in particular was especially problematic for me because I had thought I had made progress in actually forgiving them.  I was unfortunately wrong.   The penance I have been told to do to help me overcome this sin was to say and contemplate the "our Father" Prayer each time I thought of the two of them and their hurt if me.  This far, today I have done this eight times.   I am thinking it may be helpful for me in forgiving them.  It has been able to help me focus on my faith instead of my pain, and I think that may be a part of the process.  I shall be continuing to do this with each thought of them.  I am feeling hopeful.

PipeTobacco

Drunk as a Skunk?

Nah!  But I am feeling pleasant.  It has been five weeks since I was able to visit my elderly father-in-law due to a variety of crazy scheduling issues.  I am now sitting in my back yard enjoying a pipe and listening to the distant ruckus of a football game at the Lutheran parochial school a few blocks away from here.  The sound carries surprisingly far.  

All seems right with the world at the moment.  I am not going to spoil it by thinking or ruminating.  It sounds like the kids must have just gotten a touchdown. good for them.

PipeTobacco

Plans Go Awry

I had really been hoping to go swimming with my family this evening.  Unfortunately, last minute requirements that several people had, made that impossible.  I was feeling resentful about it, but have grown accepting of it.  It would have been very nice and a relaxing way to end the day.  I am going to start sneaking away at work to go now.  Even though it would be much more fun with my family there, I will still feel better if I go regularly.  If they can then go, I will just go twice in the same day.  

Today I also had a checkup.  Everything was deemed good by my doctor,  the rectal exam was not pleasant, but my rectum was deemed fit, and the embarrassing hernia check occurred and was negative.  It is odd and disconcerting having someone who is not my wife prob and prod me in those regions.  You would think I would be used to it after all these years, but it is still odd.  My BP was 118/72, my heart rate was 64, and this was even with the upcoming rectal and hernia tests still to be done. 

PipeTobacco