The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor
............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Too Much Emotion?
Friday, April 17, 2015
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Safe Journey to a Friend
A friend of mine who many of you know here from the Internet, Billy (BBC), will be away from the Internet world for a while, perhaps days, weeks, or even months. He is embarking upon a journey that should renew his spirit and we can look forward to his return to the Internet and more writings on his blog, Spirit Doings. While it will be sad to have him away for a while, I do very sincerely look forward to his return, and anticipate a wide array of great tales about his adventures.
Safe travels, BBC!
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
For some reason today, I feel especially tired. Not so much physically, even though yesterday I forced myself to jog three miles non-stop. But, instead, I feel mentally tired. I think part of it is the time of the semester. Part of it is the lack of a "real" Spring Break week for me this semester (I spent the week working even harder than usual helping students prepare for a national meeting).
All I know is that I am feeling pretty damn wore out mentally.
Also, even though I plan to write about it more in the morning, I need to note how my friend, BBC, will be absent for a spell. He is planning the start of a journey that will keep him away from the Internet for a while. I hope that the time away is brief, for I enjoy his perspective, his humor, and his insights.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
As Billy Pilgrim said on Friday's post, I should reply more to my comments and I shall endeavor to do so as I renew my writing efforts.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Readings at Mass
From the Gospel reading this weekend:
Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve,
was not with them when Jesus came.
So the other disciples said to him, “We have seen the Lord.”
But he said to them,
“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands
and put my finger into the nailmarks
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
I need to work at not being a doubter in life. It does me no good to doubt or question things. I would be better off just going with the flow and not struggling as I do. Why am I like Thomas, always doubting, always questioning, always fearing?
Friday, April 10, 2015
Today has been a bit up and down for me in regards to emotions. I have been fighting the negative feelings and trying to stay focused on working hard and on doing what I should do. I did get a fair amount of work done and feel close to feeling caught up on things. But, that of course may be only a pipe dream. But, I was a real worker bee today.
I want to switch to feeling good and content all the time. It is an uphill battle, but I am persevering.
My elderly in-laws are out of town today, so I will not be going there to talk, have a pipe and have a few libations with my elderly father-in-law. It would be nice, but alas it is not to be today.
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
Who Am I?
I took an on-line quiz a while ago and here are the findings:
I often feel tired or have low-energy
I find myself getting angry, irritated, restless, or frustrated easily
I think I’ve lost my sense of humor
I often feel ashamed
I lose my temper easily
I get into a lot of arguments
I have lost interest in people and things I used to enjoy
I feel isolated
I often feel completely overwhelmed by life
I often feel guilty,
I often feel that no one cares about me
I often feel that my life is meaningless
I frequently feel sad, emotionally empty, or just can’t bring myself to care about things
I sometimes cry for no reason
I think about death frequently
I have trouble concentrating or remembering things
I have trouble making decisions or choices
The above are obviously not good. I very much dislike who I am and how I am at the moment. The above are NOT the way I wanted to become. I hate this. I detest this.
I have to screw up the energy and courage and stick-to-it-iveness to fight back against this b*llsh*t. I have to treat the above assinine thoughts and feelings like an enemy that needs to be annihilated. It seems impossible to do, but I have to fight back against those feelings so I can feel content and at peace again. I miss who I used to be. I want to be him again.
Monday, April 06, 2015
How? How to Be A Better Person?
I very sincerely and very truly want to be a better person. Yet, one challenge is that there are so damn many things about myself that need fixing:
1. I smoke a pipe.
2. I get annoyed at people too easily at times.
3. I sometimes am short tempered.
4. I do not do enough to help others.
5. I do not use my time efficiently to get more done.
6. I am lazy.
7. I frequently fail at doing things I set my mind to doing.
8. I more and more often am feeling like "I don't give a damn" about anything.
9. I often feel things are hopeless, when I should know they are not, and that is a part of my piss-poor attitude.
10. I am a slob lately. My office, my lab... both are disheveled and messy as hell. I have for the last several weeks gone almost 10 days between intervals when I shave the neckline of my beard... which is not a good thing as it is rather beyond what could be kindly coined "heavy growth" by the time I do end up shaving the neckline.
This is just a short list. I could and should probably list another 100 or more things. But right now I am feeling #8.... basically I don't really give a damn if I list anything else right now. It is a really piss poor attitude and I am pretty damn tired of it. But, it is currently where I am at. And, I am at a loss on how to begin to change it.
Sunday, April 05, 2015
Today is Easter Sunday, and in observation of that special day, I am going to simply state how I appreciate all of my readers and commenters. I know I am fortunate to have you here. I will be working diligently to become a better person in the next year. I have so very many failings, but I know that if I work harder and more vigorously, I can improve and become a better person.
Saturday, April 04, 2015
Reading... What Am I? Pizza Dough, or Whole Wheat Bread?
Do you not know that a little yeast leavens all the dough?
Clear out the old yeast,
so that you may become a fresh batch of dough,
inasmuch as you are unleavened.
For our paschal lamb, Christ, has been sacrificed.
Therefore, let us celebrate the feast,
not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness,
but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
If I take this analogy to heart, am I going to be a lazy ass, fool.... being akin to unleaven bread? Will I simply keep smoking my pipe because it is easier than stopping? Or will I aspire (rise) to a new way of being. Am I tough enough? Am I smart enough.
I do not know.
Friday, April 03, 2015
Well, my plan to fast this Lent never took off the ground. I am still smoking my pipe like usual. But, I seriously think I should change this. But, I very literally do not seem to have the gumption, guts, or willingness to make a go of it.
The fact that I am so damn lazy and unwilling to work to accomplish quitting or going back to only 1 or 2 pipes while drinking is something I feel is rather pathetic and I am not proud of.
I will see if I can come up with some way to do it.
Thursday, April 02, 2015
I saw a student at the U the other day, and he was standing outside one of the buildings, smoking a cigarette. I was surprised at myself because my immediate thought was "Geez, that kid should not do that, and he should not be so stupid."
That thought surprised me. For all my life, I have not had a negative thought towards people smoking if that is what they choose to do. To have that thought occur truly did surprise me. I have been thinking about it on-and-off ever since. When I have been smoking my pipe, I realize, I have been thinking of myself as a stupid fool and idiot also, at least for the last several months.
I am thinking I do want to quit smoking a pipe for good. I have not done so. Now, how to reconcile what I want to do with what I actually do.