What, Me Worry?

Interestingly enough I went to have libations and pipes with my elderly fathe-in-law after attending Good Friday mass this afternoon (I guess it would technically be yesterday since I am writing this at 1:30 in the morning).  It was quite a nice afternoon.   We talked all over the map about cult rent events, including a funny discussion about Trump.  We also watched an episode of the 50's vintage Gunsmoke on TV (the half hour version) which was a lot of fun.  It happens to be one of his favorite shows.  

I happened to mention that I was considering trying to either quit or drastically cut back on my pipes.  I did this very briefly and casually, and had not talked with him about this before.  And, surprising the hell out of me he said, "why worry about it?  You like having a few pipes.  No big deal". 

That actually surprised me, for now it was a third time in just a few months where I went and talked with someone I respect and they each said the same thing!   And in each case it was the exact opposite of what I had thought.... Don't Worry about it!  

It seems like advice too good to be true, but after three different times... It is really getting me to think.... Maybe I should just stop worrying about it?  It doesn't seem logical or right to my mind, but to get the exact same message given to me by three very different people who I seek advice from ?  

It is very interesting to wonder about.  Especially at this early morning hour as I sit outside here having a pipe.  It is actually a nice, almost balmy 40 degrees.  There is a bright, full moon.  I am still feeling a gentle calmness from the libations earlier.  And, it is quiet and peaceful.  

Interesting and odd.

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Trying to Start Anew

With this being Holy Week in the Catholuc Church, I decided to focus on trying more to become the better, kinder, less worried and less stresses individual I envision I can become.  If I do not try, I can only anticipate staying as my current, old, wretched self.  So, I must continue to strive to become who I should be.  I hope to take incremental steps every day to be better and kinder and more devoted to trying to be a positive influence in life.  

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The Plan?

I have still been thinking about how to get rid of the damn pipes from my life.  The trouble, of course is that only part of me really wants to get rid of them... that is why I fail.  

I am thing of going back to the most successful strategy I have had in the past (other than the four weeks in graduate school where I was on a remote island teaching a course where I did not bring any pipes, but then I was just counting down the days until I left the island and fired up a pipe the moment I got back to my truck on the mainland.). My best success has been when I would give up pipes except when imbibing.  I could look forward to imbibing and having a pipe, but was able to use the future "imbibing session" to help me stave off pipe yearnings I would experience during the week.  

It is not a perfect solution, and it too was not easy by any means, but there was at least SOME success.  

I think I will hear myself up to do that again.  My Lenten attempt (or lack of attempt) was an utter failure because I was trying to start out with a "never again" mindset which just added to my anxiety and had me give up damn near as soon as I started.

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Nice Lunch

My wife and I were able to go together to lunch at a nice new establishment in town that touts itself as "a fresh marketplace experience". It was really, very, very pleasant and quaint.  I had a curried chickpea salad and magi-magi fish tacos.  My wife had a pecan & feta salad and gnocchi with salmon.  It was quiet in the resturaunt as we went near the end of the lunch hours, and it felt romantic, happy and peaceful as we ate our meal with jazz playing in the background.

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At Confession

Well, confession was a bit different than I anticipated.  I went in an told about my two times being angry, I told about my impatience, I told about my struggle with the pipe, and I even talked about how twice in the last month I self gratificated to get to sleep when my wife was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her from her rest because she was so tired from her own hectic day.  And you know what the priest said?  He told me I worried to much, and that was what he said I should focus and work on.  It was truly revealing.  I do worry a helluva lot.  Most days that is where my mind has me focused.  I found it very helpful, but I also find myself somewhat lost because, it may be surprising to some of you, but worry is a very difficult thing for me to avoid.  I have been thinking about it a lot, and try to steer out of it.  But, it is NOT as easy as I had thought it might be.  

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Drunk Like a Skunk

Not really, but feeling quite pleasant indeed!  I am happy though and looking forward to a weekend away fro the U hassles!  One thing I notice is that I do really like my pipe a helluva lot after having a few drinks!  It (my pipe) feels just as wonderful and invigorating like it did when I was a kid at these times.  I have not felt a lot or any pleasure with my pipe when sober during the last few years.  This is something I should use to my advantage a. I try to refrain.  Keeping focused on how blah it is normally (sober) now-a days.  I think I am going to confession tomorrow.  It should help me get some good focus on how to work to be a better person than I am.  That will be nice to have that focus again.  I do really want to be a good person.

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More Snow

Last week, we received 14 inches of snow in a 24 hour period.  I shoveled out.  Then we had thee days of 40s and 50s weather and it all melted.  Now, over the last 24 hours we have again had a large snowfall.  This time, 12 inches.  Our road is not yet plowed, but I have shoveled the driveway.  If the plows come through, I will be better prepared to shovel out again the last 10 feet of the driveway after the plows push in a huge load of snow.  I am so tired of snow this winter.  It is not normal for us to get large amounts like this in March.  December & January... yes, but in March, 3-4 inches at a time is the normal maximum. 

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