Under Monday

Monday's are generally more rough than other days (like the Mama's & the Papa's sang), but today is harder than the usual Momday.  I was suddenly sapped of all energy on Friday afternoon when virtually every part of my body was sore, and aching, and I had a fever of 101.7.  It appeared to be the "flu" that tons of my students had been experiencing the last two weeks.  Instead of going for libations and pipes with my elderly fathe-in-law as had been my plan, I crawled into bed and  slept about 20 hours.  Still feeling achey and feverish, I ran outside Saturday to get the weeks total to my minimum 28 miles for the week and then walked instead on Sunday.  By last evening I was feeling normal in regards to temperature, but still very tired.  

This morning, the last thing I wanted to do was get up at 5am.  But I forced myself and ran my usual 5 miles, albeit slowly.  I am going to get ready for work, and I sincerely hope it turns out to be an easy day without "crises" I have to deal with.  My energy level is not up to snuff yet.  I am going to keep really pushing fluids and persevere.

PipeTobacco

Thursday & Tacos

I just completed my five mile run.  It was again OUTSIDE which was wonderful.  There was a dense fog that I ran through the whole way so it was a kind of ethereal experience that allowed for a great deal of contemplation as I prayed the rosary.  It was (the run, the fog, and the rosary) very helpful to get me into a calmer place.  

I woke up at 5am and stupidly checked my e-mail.  And though I should always expect maximum b*llsh*t with regard to anything regulatory at the U, I was utterly annoyed at an e-mail from one of our grants officers who was nearly apoplectic about some minor issue in wording regarding a research application.   She takes micromanaging of inconsequential nonsense that prevents work to a level in experience, I think, that has never been seen on our planet before.  My run and rosary helped me put her nonsense into a bearable perspective.  

As I sit here enjoying a pipe, while letting the dog eat and do her "business", I am enjoying the surprisingly warm (45 degrees) morning.  I am still figuring out about the pipe and Ash Wednesday next week.  I have been reading some about "e" devices.  I have not seen an "e" pipe, so that is apparently too archain an activity to warrant manufacture of such a device.

For me, there must be something other than JUST nicotine that I get from my pipe.   I tried twice a year or two ago to break my pipe habit by saying I could instead smoke a cigarette to help me with cravings.  Each attempt lasted but a few days, because for some reason, while I obtained nicotine from the cigarette, it was still a failure.  I have never really smoked cigarettes... Never being fond of them, and I thought they might break me from the pipe.  But, it did not.  So, I am a little skeptical that an e-device will help me fare much better.  

I assume I crave the nicotine when I refrain (it would seem obviously so), but there is something else too, and I am not sure what is specifically the attractant in addition to the nicotine with the pipe that makes it so hard for me to quell its deep appeal for me.  It does not really make a helluva lot of sense, but there must be other factors I am not recognizing.  But, I may still consider some "e" device, but I am concerned it will prove a failure as well.  If I try this next Wednesday, I really do not want to fail again.

Thursday is "Taco Thursday" in our house, so I can look forward to that fun meal tonight, when I get home.   Now I am going to shower and head to the U.

PipeTobacco

Tuesday Morning

The last for days have been uncharacteristically warm (at freezing or above a bit.  This cleared of the trail near y home and I was able to do my running outside instead of on the track.  That has even very nice. 

I was mistaken about Athe start if Lent. It is one week away from tomorrow, nottomorowlike I had thought. If I give up my pipe for lent, I now have an additional week to contemplate how to do it right. As gorilla suggested, perhaps an "e" device would help.  Never tried one.  Anyone out there try one?  

PipeTobacco

Moody, But Hopeful

I have been feeling rather moody the last week or so, and am trying to work it out and get to a better state of mind.  Work has been too busy.  Too much Department Chairman b*llsh*t.  Too many underprepared research students.  Too many rude, and uncaring co-workers who act selfish.  I have also been feeling very concerned and worried that I must change my pipe smoking habit.  I fear failing getting rid of my pipe again.  II fear not doing something.  I worry about how out-of-sorts I feel when I put away the pipe, and I feel angry that I must be too damn dumb, too damn selfish, and too damn chicken sh*tt*d to gear up to do what I need to do to make it happen.  

I feel like doing nothing.  I feel like I have no goals, or hopes, or dreams anymore.  I feel like a robot, simply doing the algorhythm I was programmed to do every day.  

The only minor bright spot I see currently is that I have stuck with the running.  I have been running 28-30 miles a week since sometime in June.  I just passed 900 miles of running.  I still walk and all that, too.  So my exercise is the one constant I have.  

My wife is taking action too to improve her health.  She has Type 2 diabetes and has been working pretty hard for three weeks now to get things better controlled.  I am happy she is feeling motivated.  

I have been contemplating giving my pipe up for lent (starts next Wednesday). When I did that two years ago, I had the closest level to success in getting rid of the damn pipe of the different approaches I have tried.  I do not know if I have enough gumption or stamina to do it though.  

I try to keep in mind that Fenruary is usually like this for me.  I think the Winter and the lack of light bring many of these feelings out in me at this time of year.  I hope I can just keep pushing through it.

PipeTobacco

Writing & Not Writing

I haven't been saying much of late.  Not exactly sure why.  I miss writing here, as it is the most intimate way I have to put feelings onto "paper".  

But, I am feeling well.  I am getting close to having ran 900 miles since June (I average between 28 and 30 miles of running a week) and I am still walking.  Politics and its chaos has become more of a struggle to keep interested in.  DeVos, who will be voted on today is a true nightmare for education and the EPA guy is horrific for the environment.  Those  are about the only two I keep track of anymore because there is just too much chaos in Washington right now.  

I have been working a bit on my tenor saxophone, tearing it apart.  That is about it.  

Today would be my beloved mot he's birthday.  She would be 89 today if still alive.  I do miss her and Dad a great deal.

PipeTobacco