I am aggravated and frustrated at myself. The reason for this is that I fell back into ruminating and thinking about the two people I am very hurt by and angry at. I have been working to try to keep those emotions at bay and have had a good number of days/weeks where I have been able to feel emotionally whole and to dismiss from my mind those two folks as being unimportant and insignificant to my life and my happiness.
Yesterday, I did not succeed in keeping the negative emotions out of my mind. And, I am still feeling resentful and angry this morning. I wish I had better skills in figuring out how to stop this cycle. I cannot do anything about those two. And, I know I can only change myself. But, I am not really understanding how to be consistently effective in not letting it get to me. When I am able to get outside of the hurt and anger, it IS definitely better for me. But I have yet been able to discern how to do so when it is needed.
It is annoying.
PipeTobacco
Be easy on yourself. I am a firm believer that we cannot control these thoughts. They come to the surface of our brains and are beyond our control. Your brain will then shuffle them into the background where they will lurk until they decide to inconvenience you again.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is so frustrating when you know the best thing to do is not let them into our heads - but they sneak in anyway. I do empathise. I wish i had answers but i don't.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a policy/workplace disagreement with these two, does your university have any kind of dispute resolution or ombudsman office where you could hash out your disagreements -- or even have them resolved at a higher administrative level? On the other hand, if it's just about personality and attitude, surely there are others in your department who have experienced what you have experienced -- perhaps these others can either give you reassurance about the problems or even suggestions as how to deal with these difficult personalities.
ReplyDeleteOr you can chuck it all and set up shop as a tobacconist a few miles away from the source of your stresses .
What a wonderful notion!!!! Except, it would be more wonderful to open up a shop somewhere warm and snow free year round! It is the stuff dreams are made of, indeed!
DeleteBy the way.... I have been taking your earlier advice to heart... the notion of being as kind to these two as I can muster. I have done one act of anonymous kindness to one, and two to the other. I think you are right that it is how I should strive to be.
PipeTobacco
Nobody is consistent all the time! And the periods you are able to stay away from them in your mind will grow longer. Don't berate yourself, please. Life can be hard enough as it is.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Adie.
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