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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Some days are chaotic without anything happening to make them so. Today was one such day for me. Nothing much happened out of the ordinary. It simply seemed as if I was unable to accomplish anything other than the minimum required to get through the day. I taught my classes, conducted the minimum of research I needed to for the day, graded papers, and thought about grant work. But thoughout the entire day I felt harried and out-of-sorts. The feeling was as if I were not accomplishing anything of merit, and at the same time what little I did do was too damn slow to be useful.

I did not have a morning briar this morning before my shower. But there are many mornings I forgo the pleasure of the burley leaf. I drank three cups of coffee this morning at work, but that did not improve my mood. I did not feel energetic, so I could not find a task I really wanted to do, and therefore when I concluded what was mandatory for the day, I sloughed off. I really dislike the feelings I have on those days.

Driving home was a hurried experience also. It was the time of my first pipe of the day, but it did not offer its usual sense of relaxation and gentleness I enjoy. The burley leaf was the same as always, the ritual of filling the bowl and lighting the leaf etc was the same as always as well, but the net effect did not soothe. The drive itself did not soothe. Everything felt out of synch.... in a rush, or better stated, I felt I needed to rush through everything to keep in synch.... and I was still losing the battle.

It was.... one of those days.

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