Pro.... Found.... Sad......Ness

It was a strange day yesterday.  Here is a bullet point summary:

• I got up especially early, because of my planning to participate in a simulation in early morning.  
• I ran
• I went to the site of the Poverty Simulation.  I think I have written about this before, but the Poverty Simulation is an educational simulation designed to help teach folks (students, community leaders, etc, health care workers, etc) a glimpse of what it is like to live in or near the poverty level.  I have participated in these simulations for probably 15 years or so now.  I have a role as one of the members of the community the simulation participants may choose to interact with as they try to cope with the pressures they face during this simulation.  I have had a variety of roles, but I have become noteworthy in a role as a Pawn Shop Owner where folks can theoretically sell their items for quick cash.  
• The Poverty Simulation went well, and the folks DID seem to come away with a deeper sense of understanding and empathy for those who are at or near poverty.  
• I then went to the U in the afternoon to get back to work, and to try to finish up at least a draft of my new research presentations.  
• On the way TO the U, however, I started to feel a profound sense of sadness.  I felt forlorn, lonely, tired, frustrated.... you name it.  I had tears falling down my cheeks and into my beard as I drove.  I tried to hold it in as best as I could though, so I kept from actively sobbing, even though that is what I was feeling.  
• I felt useless.  I felt wholly exhausted.  I felt alone.  I felt unloved.  I felt burdened by work.  I felt I never was able to just "be".  
• Well, there isn'a a whole helluva lot I could do about any of the above.  So, I tried to stuff it away, and worked as best as I could to just do the work I needed to do.  
• Eventually, I was caught up enough to call it quits,, and even though it was late....and it was still Wednesday, not the normal day.... I went to the cigar shoppe.... hoping to feel better. 
• None of my friends were there (to be expected, as it was later in the afternoon.  
• I did indulge in a cigar.  But, it was not particularly enjoyable or exciting or interesting.  I tried a different variety, just rather randomly.  It was shorter and cheaper than others that I have had, thinking I would not stay overly long that late in the day.
• I had forgotten MY current book that I had been reading.  So, I tried to read a magazine or two that were in the shoppe.... but they were meaningless to me, and I eventually tossed them aside.  
• Then I ruminated.  I did not PURPOSEFULLY ruminate.  I know that is not usually a good thing.  But, it was hard to try to force myself out of it.  
• I eventually left at about a time my wife would be available to swim, and I met her at the pool.  She helped me with my feelings of sadness, although much of it still lingered and remained.  But I was thankful to be with her and to be swimming.  
• We went home, ate, watched a bit of television and went to bed.

Today, I feel more "neutral" which is a bit of an improvement.  At least I take it that way.

The image I show was because it reminded me of the phrase.... "Close, but no [good] cigar." like was said by the old-timey carnival workers when someone didn't win a prize. I added the [good] to the above to relate it to my experience yesterday.

PipeTobacco