Rut

It is more than a bit frustrating to me that now that I am officially NOT teaching for a few weeks, that I am feeling as if I am in a rut.  It sounds stupid, but I have had this feeling take over my thoughts other Summers too.  I have to work and force myself to get out of that type of thinking, however, which is difficult to do.  

I mean, seriously.... what is life about?  For most of us, the day-to-day IS fairly routine and predictable.  For me, the things I tend to have as foci (good or bad) in the day-to-day are (NOTE, not in any particularly order):

1. my wife

2.  work

3.  running

4.  pipes and pipe tobaccos

5.  research

6.  worry about the kids

7.  thoughts of and participation in my RCC faith

8.  thoughts about food

9.  our dog and cat

10.  my various responsibilities

And, trust me, I am NOT trying to be maudlin, but at times it just seems like..... what the hell?  Shouldn't I be doing something more?  Shouldn't I try to strive to do something?  Shouldn't I try to make a difference? 

It is, I think, an unsettled feeling that I get because one of my "routines" stops for a bit (the teaching).  I do not know, though.  But, it is making me feel out of sorts.  What the hell will retirement feel like?  Will I feel "better" or will I feel more "out-of-sorts"?!?!  

* * * * * 

• Ran an EXTREMELY sweaty and difficult 10.5 miles (~17 km) today.  I did not have any Masses to listen to during my run, and did not feel like listening to my Mass Music channel, nor my Bossa Nova channel, nor my Crosby, Stills, & Nash channel on Pandora while I ran, so instead I listed to the news on NPR while I ran and prayed the roasary.  I do not think I could be more wet after this run, if I had been in a downpour.  It was also sunny, so I had my face, neck, hands and knees slathered with sunscreen as well, which made me feel sticky.  The folks on NPR must have been in "outer space" because they kept saying it was 63 degrees (~17 C)... but there was no way in hell it was that pleasant.  At the end of my run, I checked the Weather Channel app on my phone and it said it was 79 degrees(~26 C) .... and that made a lot more sense.  I think the local NPR newsreader was looking at some old data from perhaps 3:00am and kept repeating it.  
• I do not know what to really write about my pipes and pipe tobaccos anymore.  Yesterday, my wife and I went to her Sister's house and we (me, my wife, my SIL and my BIL (my SIL's husband)) had a cookout and just talked.  It was very pleasant.  But, I have to admit that all day long, yesterday, I was feeling a strong desire to have a pipe.  As I was working in my den earlier, I kept loosing focus on what I should have been doing (very mundane, tedious examination of a damnable new edition of a lab manual that we must adopt for Fall classes as the previous edition was discontinued) and kept instead fussing around and looking at my pipes on the pipe rack by my monitor.  And, the desire for a pipe amplified further at my SIL's as we sat around a campfire in their backyard.  Now that I am accepting that the desires for a pipe and pipe tobacco will apparently never lessen, what do I now do with that knowledge?  
• I also have been thinking a lot about the Retiree's Cigar Gathering.  I should be able to go this Thursday.  I am hoping it will be as enjoyable as I envision.  I have to admit I feel rather (stupidly) nervous about the whole thing.  Sometimes I can be such an idiot I cannot even understand it myself.  But, I am "a bit" nervous about it.  What if I do not fit in?  That would be a rather big disappointment. 

Enough of my blathering, I guess.  Back to the damn lab manual today as well.  

PipeTobacco