Do I?

I am contemplating quitting my pipe tobacco "cold turkey" as the saying goes. Perhaps I shall do so.  But I worry about becoming an angry idiot during the refraining.  I also worry about failing.  I also worry about the discomfort.  But, I think I may go this route.  Heaven help me if I do.    And my wife, and my kids, and the folks at the U.  I should be damn well strong enough to do this.  But, I fear I am not.   I should be strong enough to do this with grace and a calm demeanor and a gentle heart.  But I fear I may not be strong enough to be this way.  

If I quit, how long will it take to not be a constant struggle to stay away?  How long will the pipe keep calling me back, and how long will I need to resist that call before it leaves me?  

PipeTobacco

Father's Day

Thinking a lot about my father today.  It was 23 years ago this past March that he passed away.  I do miss talking with him and wish I could have had more time with him.  

PipeTobacco

Trying to Work Through Failure

I let it get the better of me.  When I ran out of my one ounce Thursday morning, I was not strong enough in my willpower to withstand and hold firm.  My failure led me to open my next ounce of pipe tobacco early, and now with it being Wednesday, I have consumed almost 1.5 ounces of pipe tobacco this week and it is only Wesnesday morning.  I have utterly failed and an angry at myself.

Some may say I am still better off than when I. Began this effort several weeks ago.  At that time when smoking my pipe freely, I was smoking about 4 ounces a week.  But, to me, not doing what I set out for myself to do is nothing but failure.  

I am at a loss on how to proceed at the moment.

PipeTobacco

Stress Due to Skimpy....

I am feeling quite nervous at the moment.  I believe I must have overindulged a little bit in my one ounce of pipe tobacco during this past weekend, for I find myself PRECARIOUSLY LOW in regards to pipe tobacco for today.  This is even more troubling in that I had been typically been able to have a little bit left over at the end of the day on Thursday when technically I could begin a new ounce on Friday. 

I am not pleased that I screwed up here.  It feels like a failure, and it feels problematic for the rest of the day today (it is around noon here on Thursday).   Yes, before you comment about this being a stupid "non-problem".... yes, I know in the greater scheme of things, this is a stupid thing to be worried about. 

But, unfortunately, worry about this I do.  Thursday evening is always a time of "relaxation" of sorts as I do not formally teach on Fridays (I do other work, but it is less stressful work at my desk or in my research lab).  I have always tended to look forward to a pipe or two to start off the "after teaching is finished" part of my work week.  This very pleasant pipe tradition is in peril for this evening.... and while it is a foolish thing to be concerned about.... it does make me feel a bit sad and frustrated. 

Yes, I know I should just deal with it.  And, I probably will do so.  But there is a part of me that truthfully wants to dip into next week's ounce prematurely so I can have a pleasant, robust, full bowl or two of pipe tobacco tonight.  But, if I do, I will only be setting myself up for even more failure in the future. 

Damn.

PipeTobacco

Sunday

Today, we made three batches of home made hummus.  We are going to try them with our dinner tonight.  One is traditional chickpea hummus with tahini and garlic and lemon, one is a chickpea hummus with feta cheese spinach and oddly enough cinnamon, and the third is a southwestern hummus with black beans, cilantro, pablano peppers and lime.  They are chilling in the refrigerator at the moment and should each be very good.  

We also went on the first bike ride of the season (I had to get the bikes down and fill the tires with air first.  Our first jaunt was only five miles, but we had fun.  

It hit a very warm and humid 88 degrees today after thunderstorms overnight (32 degrees C).  It really felt like Summer!  

Our garden is planted except for the popcorn and sunflowers.  They are still struggling to germinate in the little soil pellets we have now moved into the back porch to get warmer.  When they are about 4 inches tall, we elwill move them into the garden.   

But, our tomatoes and tomatillos look great as do our bell peppers and jalapeños.   The cucucumbers are growing well as are our sweet potatoes.  And, our cabbage is looking good too (we grew purple cabbage this year).  My favorite part of the garden, however are the herbs we are growing and all look good!  We have two different types of tarragon, three types of basil, Rosemary, sage, two types of mint, cilantro, and thyme.  

PipeTobacco

Nothing Profound

There is little to report.  I am still feeling moody.  I am still working hard at work, still running, still only consuming my allotted ounce of pipe tobacco.  I. I feel enough gumption, I may go get a haircut.    The sides of my hair are getting long and aggravating.  Long for me is when the sides are perhaps 3 inches at most, because the start to curl crazily.  I will keep my beard full and bushy, but just trim down the edges a bit where it is getting feisty.  

That is all I have to report.  I feel as if I have no focus or goals.

PipeTobacco

Still OK Pipe Tobacco-Wise

This week, I still did my plan.  I again stayed within the one ounce and again still have some left even though today is my new ounce day.   I guess I should be happy about this "success" of sorts.  But, I have to admit that I was not as committed to the goal this week.  I DID it, but, not with any real fervor or passion (but also no real hardships either).  

The week at work was similar.  Not a real sense of passion.  Things went fine, but I felt like I was going through the motions only.   It was similar too, for running.  I just finished my five miles today (the 25th mile of the week) and have only three more to do tomorrow to keep my 28 miles of running each week goal.   But, again there was no "zest" or passion.  It was just routine.  

I am not sure what is going on, why I am lackadaisical... but since things are otherwise on track, I should not complain.  I may go see my elderly father-in- law this afternoon, but even that does not feel invigorating.  

I need to get somehow, back into feeling the intensity of life.  If I can figure out how to restore that for today and the weekend, it would be helpful.  

PipeTobacco