I Mentioned
Yesterday, in an angry, upset state, I mentioned to my wife that I would like my sole Christmas gift to be family counseling.
In reality, I care nothing about gifts. I have not really "anticipated" a joy of a gift for many, many years. But, if I could have some meaningful and helpful results from family counseling, that would be better than any gift I could imagine.
Yet, I really have no notion of what/how counseling may be like or how it would help in our situation. I do not know if folks would be willing.
In my mind, I imagine that at least PART of what would transpire in counseling would be that I would be able to carefully verbalize my thoughts and beliefs with regards to our family situation. I do not know if it would be truly heard or understood. But, at some level, I want to be able to verbalize it.
I tend to doubt it will happen. Just another pipe dream, IMO.
PipeTobacco
8 Comments:
Understandably, you can't/shouldn't communicate details here regarding your family upset. But as you think about your upsets, perhaps it would be helpful to privately categorize them so you can take the different actions required of each. For instance, if someone is actually violating the law under your roof, you shouldn't become an accomplice by your silent acceptance, lest you face legal consequences. But if it's a moral rather than legal disagreement, can you find a way to "let go" and either "agree to disagree" or take action to distance yourself from the conflict of morals? And if it's neither a legal nor a moral problem, but is simply someone being a jerk (cruel, inconsiderate, etc.), perhaps you can set some standards for conduct under your roof, with the understanding that if the jerk can't abide by those standards, he/she doesn't belong under your roof?
Oh, and whether or not you decide to smoke it, I suggest that you buy yourself a new pipe for Christmas (or ask your wife to buy you one).
Thinking of you, Professor...and wishing you peace.
You need a VERY experienced therapist for family work xx
My SiL and BiL got counselling and then got divorced anyway. But I know my SiL found it valuable to get counselling for herself, apart from the couples situation.
Unfortunately, all parties need to be on board and willing for family counseling to be effective. And then there's the issue of finding a decent therapist.
Pat M.--Thanks for this analysis. I can't be the only one of PT's readers who would like to offer opinions but are stymied b/c we don't know any of the particulars. Your words helped me. Maybe they'll help PT also. (And to PT: even if you can't get the whole family on-board with counseling, it might help you to go alone or with your wife.)
I hope you find some peace of mind and joy soon. I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult right now.
Hope you have a reasonably Happy Turkey Day, Professor...
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