As Per Usual

 

As per usual, when I miss multiple days of posting, something has usually gone amiss.  I really do not have the physical nor emotional energy to try to explain what has been afoot.  So, for this time, I will simply leave it lay and try to ignore and move on.

Today, I will attempt to answer a few recent comments:

Pat stated (two segments quoted):

"your comments about trust and discussion are fine and laudable, but aren't you omitting (or perhaps just taking for granted or otherwise assuming) a vital preliminary step? If there has been a breach, pushing for an unwanted discussion will only increase the breach. And until there is mutual empathy between you and the person with whom you seek discussion, any "discussion" will be more like two monologues rather than a true discussion."  and then a second part quoted  "If you vulnerably share how YOU are thinking and feeling, that shouldn't put the other person on the defensive, as it's your self-disclosure, not a judgment on them. Then, once you have let the other person know what YOU are thinking and feeling, you should be able to leave it to them to choose any further discussion. If there's mutual empathy, rather than one party desiring to "win" an argument, discussion will flow naturally from that"

The quoted parts were both EXTREMELY valuable and helpful to me.  I do attempt to carefully focus on what my feelings are as opposed to saying things akin to "What YOU did, hurt me."  That idea was something that took A LOT of effort initially when I figured that aspect out several years ago.  But, the idea of leaving it to them for any further discussion as a reflection of mutual empathy..... that is NOT something I had ever thought of.  In my own childhood, it was always EXPECTED that anytime someone felt hurt, the folks around WOULD talk it through and would discuss it until there was a resolution.  I had always thought of that as NORMAL, but with your statement above about "if there is mutual empathy" really struck a chord with me.  It DOES seem that ASSUMED empathy is NOT TO BE ASSUMED.  And, as stupid as it may seem, that is a bit of a revelation for me.  I thank you.

 

AnvilClound stated:

"You think and feel pretty deeply, I think."

Yeah, I guess I am realizing that I do.  And, in many ways it feels like a handicap of sorts.  

 

Margaret stated:

(an excerpt) "...we also need to protect ourselves and our feelings. It's been hard for me over the years to write people off..."  

I think I am similar in that way.  Part of me feels I would be better off being MORE protective and also more readily able to write some folks off.  But, in the same breath, then I experience emotions related to feeling isolated and abandoned (even if I am the one doing it).  It is hard to reason through.

 

Liz Hinds stated:

"Even if all seems well I think one will always hold back a little, just in case."

 I agree with this statement too, and I believe I do that... but being so guarded also in some ways feels so taxing of the limited energy I have.  

 

PipeTobacco