Again....
So, I went to the Retiree's Cigar Group yesterday, and it was nice. It felt generally relaxing.
I ran this morning. It too, was generally fine.
And, last night, I had a favorite meal of taco salad, burritos and a tostada, all made very healthy with extremely low fat ingredients as usual. It was generally enjoyable.
* * * * *
But, yesterday's and this morning's descriptors of things have had me purposefully use the term "generally" in reference to the event's impact. In some ways, this typifies a lot of my thoughts I was trying to get across in my "Passions" post a couple of days ago.
In that post I primarily focused on BIG-FOCUS hobbies and activities that I had always felt deep passions about, but that those have waned as I have aged. BUT, as I can sense from my thoughts above, this "loss of passion" also impacts rather negatively aspects of my day-to-day routine as well. And, I very much dislike this loss of passion day-to-day as well.
And, I do not understand it either. Truth-be-told.... lately running is just a chore I try to get through.... much of the time lately I just eat the food I eat.... just to eat, without a lot of joy. And, the Retiree's Cigar Group was nice as I said, but it did not feel "wonderful" like I am used to feeling.
It is as if I am STUCK at NEUTRAL in damn near EVERYTHING at the moment.... or at LEAST I HOPE it is only the current moment. I have kind of "accepted" the decline in passion about hobbies.... but, man, if EVERY DAY, and EVERY THING I do in a day is just going to have me result in feeling "idle" or "neutral"..... that seems..... so...... horrible. To think that every day could have everything feel this neutral....... it worries me. It feels "robotic" and devoid of flavor.
To put this into a different perspective.... I am even feeling.... and it may be shocking for folks who have known me for a long time...... I am feeling "idle" and "neutral" even about my pipes. Before I started to write this post, I purposefully sat myself down and worked at trying to imagine in my mind the joys I have always had in my pipes and pipe tobaccos. And, all I feel is neutrality. Even trying to RECALL and RELIVE in my mind, prior absolutely beautiful and wonderful pipes and times with my pipes.... just "neutral".
If getting older makes everything just neutral...... that scares the hell out of me.
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
Could you perhaps find a priest with whom you could chat and unburden yourself? A pipe-smoking Capuchin might be ideal, but otherwise someone who would have a good appreciation of your values and ideals.
There might be some medical thing going on (less testosterone?), but with everything else in your life it could just as easily be something very mundane getting in the way of your motivation and your capacity for joy. For whatever it's worth, I've watched several friends who were in the doldrums in their late fifties and early sixties turn things around by the time they reached age 70, so at least I can say from firsthand experience that anhedonia doesn't have to be a permanent/irreversible condition.
Low level depression? Maybe try a new hobby/class/activity and see if that sparks any interest? It could be just a stage you're going through and it will pass. I hope so!
Like Margaret said, AND maybe you need a vacation. How about the trip? It doesn’t have to be far or long? Or a cottage for a week?
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