Loss of "Passions"?
I do not know WHAT to attribute this to, but my first thought is perhaps it is age related? But, I am not really sure. But, what I do know is that there has been a change, and it has been rather gradual.
I am talking about my feeling of things PASSIONATELY. I remember in my 20s and 30s feeling HUGE amounts of passion for all sorts of things. A few off the top of my head:
1. Passion for all things FAMILY.
2. Passion for learning, collecting and reading every biography I could find of Hemingway.
3. Passion for photography.
4. Passion for playing music.
5. Passion for reading fiction.
6. Passion for scientific discovery.
7. Passion for travel.
8. Passion for reading and learning about all manner of history.
Obviously there could be and were many, many more. But, I recall noticing, perhaps when I was in my mid-40s a "quieting" of those feeling AS ROBUSTLY passionate about these various things.
In my 50s I had a further, gradual "quieting" of these passionate feelings.
And, through my 60s, I have been feeling still a further decline in these passionate feelings, across the board.
Is this perhaps akin to the reason why some fellows have a middle-age, or old-age crisis where they do foolish things (like buy a pricey sports car) to try to rekindle some sort of passion? I do not really know.
It is not that I do not do many, most, (perhaps all) of the things above anymore.... for I do. But, each with less focus, less conviction, less interest..... less PASSION about them.
I do not really know what to do or think about this. I do know, however, that I MISS feeling that DEEP, FOCUSED, ENTHUSIASTIC.... PASSION for things. And, while it can be understandable to perhaps "get tired" of certain things.... I would think that it would then be logical that one would find OTHER THINGS to be passionate about. But, for me, that has not been the case. It is as if the tachometer of my passion is consistently decelerating. Earlier, I may have been revving with passions in the 4000+ RPMs, but in many ways these days, it seems my "passion" about ANYTHING barely deviates from around 1000 RPM, which is basically idle speed.
Anyone have any insights? Is it TYPICAL to have such an across the board loss of passion as one ages? I miss how invigorating that used to feel.
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Running went fine this morning. I think I am getting my stretching into a better pattern as my knee is feeling looser and does not feel taut and uncomfortable after a run.
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I am considering putting together a new display on part of one of the walls of my outer office at the U. I have various things on the walls already.... copies of my diplomas, various plaques I have received for this or that over the years, a few photos of my immediate family (from fairly long ago, though), etc. But, I am thinking I am going to put up in a spot that is open near my bulletin board, a series of three photos (matted and in frames) of black & white images of my three "fathers".... my biological Dad, my Master's Advisor, and my Doctoral Advisor. I have selected a particular image of my Dad, and found recently a few small images of my advisors that were tucked away. I have scanned each, and with the electronic files, I have been working to crop them each so that they have a uniform size/look, and have been working on different levels of de-saturating the color from the images. I am leaning towards the more stark de-saturation levels of typical 1960s era black and white photography as what I am preferring. I tried a few variations of sepia tones but did not like them as well, and tried even a few incomplete de-saturation trials of color as well..... but ultimately, the 1960s style of bluish-black type of black & white imagery seems the most appealing to me for this display. I am planning to have the three images sequentially on the wall, with a small, oval, wooden and brass plaque above them that I will have attached a yet-to-be-determined tobacco pipe. It seems a fitting and interesting display for those three very important figures who helped shape who I have become. Each was a pipe smoker, and each is a father to me..... biologically, or scientifically.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
You neglected to mention the most obvious lack of passion of all. 🤓
This is a bit of a wild guess, Professor, a speculation, so I may be entirely off-base. But I find myself wondering, based on your various comments here... is it possible that, over the decades, your desire for control and order may have overcome your desire for passion -- perhaps even to the extent that you are now somewhat AFRAID of your old passions? You've written that you still feel some manner of passion for your pipes, yet you've also written that you fear the loss of control that might come about if you fully engaged that passion. And you mention a passion for family, yet it's clear that in light of some sour relations a passion for family is a sure pathway to deeper hurt as you contend with circumstances beyond your control. Even the process of learning may involve a kind of loss of control, as new discoveries and insights may disrupt long-held old assumptions that have given order to your world. Even scholarship, to the extent that your passion for discovery must be mediated against academic bureaucracies and expectations, may not be what it once was.
Passions change us in ways that make us more full ourselves, Professor. So if one fears the change that may come from upsetting an academic apple-cart, or from asserting oneself in a family dispute, or from embracing pipes and pipe tobaccos in a world that now demonizes those once-lauded balms, it's no surprise that a desire to avoid "making waves" may cause one to favor the monotony of order rather than the dynamic passion of change.
Or maybe I'm entirely misreading things. So take that with the proverbial pinch of salt (or, better yet, a pinch of Latakia :-) ).
"more fully ourselves" is what I meant to write above, Professor. And yes, as per Anvilcloud's above comment, I take heart that your failure to mention one particular "passion" is a happy and healthy sign that your bond with your wife remains a passionate delight!
I love that "three pictures" idea. A great tribute. Passions: Yeah, I believe our passions dim with age. I remember my dad saying to me once: "I wish I was gung-ho about anything these days." He used to be into cars, shooting guns on the range, music...but that was fading for him and it really bothered him, getting older...He even admitted that his abuse of booze was to distract from that. The passions are still there. But they don't fire up the blood us as much. For example: Whenever a new Marvel film came out, I was right there at the cinema, front and center. Now, I'm happy to wait for the home release.
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