Not Helpful Mindset

 

This may sound foolish, and perhaps it is. 

It has been darn close to 20 years now that I accomplished the plan I set for myself to become a normal BMI (body mass index) by shedding roughly ~135 pounds.  Whereas I had been overweight my whole adult life, and for a considerable number of years I was just shy of 300 pounds (shy, meaning one or two pounds under).  

I have had a normal BMI (normal body weight for my height) (here is a National Institutes of Health BMI Calculator) of between 21 and 22 during this entire nearly 20-year period (a BMI of 21.5 is pretty much dead center in the "NORMAL" weight category, which is what I aimed for).   And, I have to admit that is something I am very glad I have been able to do.... and even more glad I have been able to maintain this loss.  

BUT.... even AFTER damn near 20 years..... I still psychologically view and see myself as a "hefty" person.  A person who is overweight usually has much more "baggage" than simply his body mass.  Society is not typically kind to folks with weight issues, and I admit to years of feeling embarrassment and shame about my size.  And, I still do not always "feel comfortable" in my own skin, as I feel INSIDE that I am still my "hefty" self with the same feelings of embarassment and discomfort at being "outside" the norm... even though I am a healthy (normal) BMI.  The old feelings do not readily disperse.  

I bring this up not because I FEEL this discomfort every day.  I do not.  There are many days where I exist and feel "average" and "normal" and that is rather enjoyable to feel.  But, it does not take much some days, to feel that my "normal" BMI is just temporary guise I wear, and that I am forever to be "hefty".  It is truly stupid thinking on my part.  I despise when I feel that way.  But, it is not always easy to not have those feelings.  

And, people who are in the "hefty" range SHOULD NOT have to feel so self-conscious nor embarrassed.   There is a television show my wife found that is called "My Big Fat Fabulous Life" that is about a young millenial who works to be positive about her "hefty" size.  I have grown to really appreciate watching this show, for while it is silly and very millenial in many regards, her message about a positive body image, regardless of one's size/shape is an important one, and I have often felt her messages in that regard are very helpful to me.  In a similar way, another show my wife found, that I watch has been "My 600-pound Life" which featured folks who were working to lose life-threatening weight, typically with bariatric surgery.  Their stories over the years have been helpful for me as well.  

I have NOT undergone bariatric surgery.  I lost my ~135 pounds via better eating, exercise,  and a helluva lot of stubbornness with myself.  In my OPINION, I think it is far too risky a surgery to undertake for most folks (exceptions perhaps when people are becoming so large as to cause a loss of their mobility).  The removal of parts of the stomach and intestine, while they can promote weight loss, the long term impacts of such drastic surgery are unknown and in my opinion are likely to be problematic.  Again, though the television program itself and the journey of these folks who were at risk of loss of mobility or even death (necessitating the surgery) has been helpful and inspiring to me in my own journey.  

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