Improved Disposition

With the feelings of deep anxiety I felt yesterday, I worked VERY diligently to try to ignore the anxiety as best as I could and to work as feverishly, and as damn dogged determinedly as I possibly could from the moment I got out of my vehicle at the U, until it was the scheduled time to potentially go to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  

It was challenging to keep the anxiety as OUT of my mind as I could, but I was reasonably successful.  When the time came to potentially head out to the Retiree's Cigar Group, I hemmed and hawed a bit, not really sure if I was up for going or not.  It was rather "touch-and-go" for quite a bit, but ultimately, I decided that I SHOULD head over there, as I doubted it would WORSEN my feelings of anxiety.  So, I took the drive.

On the route there, I ended up stopping at a 7-11 and buying myself a huge fountain drink of Diet Dr. Pepper because I felt incredibly dry and thirsty... even though I had already consumed my equally huge iced coffee and another equally huge ice water already during the morning.  

I arrived at the shop, and it was very much a "Norm at Cheers" sort of moment, much to my surprise.  All the fellows already there ahead of me (which was the whole crew, because I still end up arriving late during the Fall, but only a bit late) hollered out my name in unison......  "Pipe!".   

I have to admit, that the robust greeting actually made me feel awfully damn good.  Truly, it gave me a sense of happiness.

I quickly rummaged around in the humidors for a bit, searching, and ultimately picked up a reasonably budget priced 70x6 house brand Maduro, which was a new cigar to me, paid, grabbed a cigar clipper and a lighter from the communal box of those things the owners keep available and on-hand and went to the circle of lounge chairs and found an open seat, and sat down with my huge fountain drink.

Over the next 2.5 hours I was there, I felt myself RELAX in ways I had not been able to do for many, many, many days.  The discussions were all over the map, some more "serious" some a bit ribald, but all ... simply.... congenial fun. The cigar itself was pleasantly tasty too, and even though it may sound odd, or nearly blasphemous.... the giant Dr. Pepper "paired" perfectly with the cigar as well.   

When I eventually left the shop, I felt so much more my "normal" self than I had in a long time.  In route back towards home, I also stopped at the pool..... briefly showered, and then swam for about half an hour.  Unfortunately, my wife had a scheduled meeting, so she could not join me at the pool, but it was still peaceful and refreshing.

After getting home, and waiting until my wife was able to come home, I worked in my den on the computer and did some more U work.  Then when my wife arrived home, we had a "Taco Feast" which for me meant a huge, heaping, taco salad in a bowl bigger than my head, a bean burrito, and a bean toastada.  

We decided to eat in the family room, and chatted and semi-watched some television.  Again, wholly peaceful.  

When we eventually called it an evening, we went to bed, each of us reading a bit (I was happily more awake at night than I had been for a long time), and then as we turned out the lights, to go to sleep (after a goodnight kiss, of course), I did successfully have enough time to reminisce in my mind about some of my beautiful pipe memories before I drifted off to sleep.  

This second half of my day FELT SO DAMN NORMAL.... and at the same time it felt like pure bliss, and a true blessing to me.  It was SO very nice.

I hope I can maintain this feeling today.

PipeTobacco