Work

I am doing ok.

I have been working pretty much all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday helping my six different novice undergraduates prepare for their upcoming talks, and this work will further continue much of this week.

It is, what it is.  It is valuable for these students, and I truly do like to help them and mentor them in this way.  I even appreciate the "hand-holding" efforts I need for the students in their novice efforts too.  I do serve as a valuable mentor to all my undergraduate and graduate researchers.... and that is a good thing to be.  I often refer to "hand-holding" some, and when I say this, I am more meaning that these particular students NEED EXTRA effort and support beyond typical mentoring... and this is usually more related to their being "novice", meaning it is their FIRST foray into the "real science" world.... not book learning, but now the “hand holding” is needed the first time they attempt to put together a presentation of real work in research leading to the discovery of something new, scientifically…. and the hand holding is needed in regards to preparing them for their FIRST legitimate PRESENTATION.  There is, of course, the whole array of facets of the nuts-and-bolts of science research, but the hand holding moves more beyond that into "sociopolitical concerns", "weaving of a cohesive story" (I tell them they are becoming true story-tellers.... communicators.... in this effort) and "psychological" as well, as they navigate through their worries, concerns, and fears of presenting.

For me, the parts of this mentoring and hand holding effort that I "carp" about, that drains my soul, and make me feel disgruntlement and despair at times.... is NOT the mentoring, nor is it the more intensive "hand-holding".  Instead, it is fully a result of the loss of autonomy I experience at these times.  My schedule is not so much my own during these times, as no matter HOW DILIGENTLY I try to have these undergraduates preplan, and prepare..... 100% of the time, it is inevitable, that schedule changes and timings changes, and unexpected delays... will occur.... sometimes due to the critters we are studying.... sometimes due to the critters who are DOING the research.... and I have to adapt, and open up my own schedule and divert my own needs, times, desires, and hopes during that time.... to HELP THEM and ACCOMODATE these ambiguities.   IT IS THIS LOSS OF AUTONOMY for myself, that dredges up the emotions of sadness, discontent, and rancor that I feel.  And, after these many decades.... I must and need to better accept...... that this IS how the process works.  It always works this way.  

I am thinking after the event this weekend, my life will again restructure to where I do have autonomy, and I fully suspect, like usual, that I will feel a sense of euphoria.... dare I say, longer term…. joy..... at regaining my autonomy.  

I continue to sleep well, with my dreams and memories of pipes, and in memories of my camaraderie with the fellows in the RCG. Dreams do help in the late night.  But, I sure as hell miss my pipes in the daylight.

My wife's physical therapy is seeming to help quite well so far, and I am very pleased that she is regaining considerable mobility.  That, at least, is a very, very, very strong positive.  

PipeTobacco