Half

Take the image any way you wish.  It has many meanings to me.

Bullets again today:

Yesterday continued the onslaught of stressors in very many ways.

• The vehicle failure is going to cost $2,000 to repair. Yes, we are footing the bill.

• Yesterday, we transported one of the kids to the airport (the one 3 hours away because it was cheaper that the closer ones) for her overseas trip.  She needed to be there at 3:00am for boarding regulation timelines. We left at 11:45pm. Thursday evening.  We arrived home today at ~7:00am.  I am at the U.  My wife is at a work meeting, herself.

• One item that played into yesterday also is a situation that has been going on for much of the week, but I haven't mentioned it previously.  Last Sunday, we started to hear sounds in our fireplace.  In the past, it has happened that there were two times a bird had fallen in and could not get out, or a squirrel had fallen in and could not get out.  I could see them through the gate & grate, and being the robust, "Indian Jones"-style, biologist/adventurer I am (Ha, that was said with blistering sarcasm.), I was able to capture the beasts with my (leather gloved) hands and transport them back into the natural environment. This time was different.  We could not see the beast, and the sounds were akin to a rattlesnake shaking its tail with a few squeaks.  I had no idea what it may be, but was presuming a bat due to the sound.  I waited a few days hoping it would dehydrate some and fall to the base of the fireplace so I could better determine if I could rig a way to get it out (I was much more worried about a bat, with the potential for it to carry rabies, and as bats are basically rodents with wings, I know also that they are aggressive biters.).  But, each day, the rattlesnake sounds and squeaks remained, and actually by Tuesday and Wednesday had grown louder and more robust.  This had me become worried this was well beyond my feeble abilities.  It further suggested to me they were bats, because I was now thinking they were getting out and coming back with more of their damnable friends. So I looked up (on the damn phone, which is no where near as confidence building as the old "Yellow Pages" were as most every search resulted in a helluva lot of what seemed scammy, hukster-ish options to sort through) and called one of the companies who of course only had damnable voice mail and no real person to answer the phone.  I left my details.

• I started out Thursday morning still hoping/planning and trying to build the "courage" to go to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  Yes, because of my worry about feeling "out-of-place" or "not accepted" it was taking me a lot of thought to wrangle my mind around the idea that the only worst-case scenario would be that I would not "fit in" and that if I didn't try, I would never know. After praying my usual rosary and listening to daily Mass during my run, the majority of the remainder of my 10 mile (~16km) run was spent me working to give me a "pep talk" and to cajole myself into giving it a try at the group.

• So, after washing and heading to the U, I open an e-mail from the "bat" removal company (I do not know why in the hell they did not simply call me) offering to be at our house at 2:00pm.  Because of my wife's worry (and hell, my own too because it was getting louder), I replied back that 2:00pm was workable. It made me frustrated because that actually meant with the drive time, etc, that effectively there was no way I could participate in the Retiree's Cigar Group.  I would have to have at LEAST a clear two hours of time if I were to go, purchase a cigar, talk with folks and indulge in the cigar.  There was no way I could do this with a group that started "around" noon according to my the fellow from Mass.

• I felt a mixture of frustration and disappointment (in not getting to participate) and yet also a bit of "relief" as well (not having to face my fears/worries about not fitting in), and because of the "relief" also a whole damn bunch of annoyance at myself for feeling this "relief" and the phrase often used by young kids in my elementary school, when I used to BE a young kid rang through my mind, "You are just being "chicken sh*t"!" (back in the day, the kid parlance in the use of this phrase towards another meant that you were much more "chicken" (afraid) than the chicken itself, but you were so much more afraid, you were worse (and more cowardly) that the bird's excrement).

• So, I kept thinking about how "chicken sh*t" I felt I was being, even though I also literally did not have the needed time to experience the group due to the "bat" removal fellow.  So, I conjured up a "1/2" strategy in my mind.  I thought that at least I could partially do what I had said I would do.  I decided to take a trip out to the Cigar Shoppe with the mindset of being a "shopper" meaning I could go in to peruse the cigars, pipe tobaccos and other delights for a bit (probably 10-15 minutes at most, time-wise)... but of more value to me, I might  a) not feel so "chicken sh*t" about myself, and b) I could get a "lay-of-the-land" perspective on how I would "fit in".  

• So, I DID this "shopping visit".  I ended up being in the place for ~10 minutes.  It was actually very pleasant.  In my perusal of their wares, however, I did not see ANY pipes or pipe tobaccos (when I had briefly visited the place many years ago, well before any knowledge of the "Group", there were a few meager pipes and a few meager pipe tobaccos).... but perhaps they were somewhere I had not fully investigated.  I spent most of my time at the cigar cabinets/humidor area which was relatively close to the lounge, so I could sense and hear a bit of the "Group".  There were about 8-9 fellows there (I did not see the person from Mass there), and the snippet of their discussion I could hear seemed wonderfully casual, not intense, and pretty much exactly what I was hoping for in my "best case scenario" I had imagined in my mind.  None of the various "worst case scenario" type things (I had also imagined) were occurring.   

• I had to leave quickly to get home to meet up with the "bat" fellow, and I did not purchase anything.  But,  I have a good idea of their stock and I can research a bit to try to see which cigar I may best enjoy.  However, the best part is with the "listening" I did, I feel more excited (and more comfortable) about planning to go next Thursday (July 18th).  I think it WILL be fun. I know that at least this first time next week, I will smoke a cigar and not my pipe, but I should be able to better discern if a pipe would "fit in" or not.

• When I arrived home, it was only about 5 minutes before the "bat" fellow arrived.  He could hear the noise emanating from our fireplace.  He said it did "sound like bats".  I sealed him off in the room and peered in through a narrow crack in the door, in case the bat(s) suddenly flew out into the room, as I was not wanting to get bit. He tried first to see the beast with his flashlight though the glass door (like I had), to no avail.  He then cautiously opened the door, the sound intensified.  He started to peer into the chimney stack and he kept looking and looking. Finally, he closed the door to the fireplace and came out to me.  "Uh, they might be bats, but I am not really sure, as they are not behaving like normal bats.  I am not sure what they are, but there's at least 15 of them in there."  He went outside to call his boss at the company for advice, and to investigate more outside, and saw one or two fly out.  

• He came back in excited.  My boss told me that they were "Chimney Swifts" and that they were rare around here, and in fact are in many regions considered a threatened species.  He then told me that while he was outside, he looked up the birds on his phone and the sound was exactly the same.  He had never seen these birds before (and he worked for this company for over 5 years, he said).   He gave us a quote (~$1,000) to put one-way exit caps on the chimneys and other measures to ensure once the birds left, they could not get back in.  

• I am glad it was not bats.  I watched and listened to a video about Chimney Swifts after the fellow left and they are interesting birds. They cling individually to the side wall (or a chimney or wherever they are are roosting) and hunker down so they do look like a typical "ball-like" sleeping bat.  And, when disturbed they will (en masse) emit this crazy alarm signal (the rattlesnake-like sound) to attempt to frighten off potential predators.  

• So..... half..... I did "sort of" 1/2 of what I had wanted to do associated with the Cigar Shoppe and the Group.  Half of me is glad that I did this "1/2" at least, but half of me still is calling myself "half-*ssed, chicken sh*t" for that "sense of relief" I briefly felt though I could NOT go to the Group because of the bat guy. Also, "half-*assed" apply applies to my feelings about the news media and several big-wig "Democrats" of late who cannot seem to do anything but bash Biden.  Mark my words.... IF they dump Joe, I guarantee there will be a tRump win in November.... which is what I think the MEDIA wants because it is entertaining and sells their papers and television channels.... and someday down the road, perhaps soon, but perhaps years from now, the regular Democratic voters will recognize how they were DUPED into this absolutely bad decision to dump Joe.  About 1/2 of my SIL's appointments are scheduled for next week in her getting ready for dialysis next step.  My MIL appears to have about 1/2 fewer hallucinations at the moment which is helpful.  

I am quite sleepy.  Too damn much money is flying out of our savings with all the above.

PipeTobacco