Just/Unjust
It was a sour weekend. I struggled to pull myself out of the feelings of despair. My wife was feeling similarly, but not to the depth I was. We tried to go swimming on Saturday, but had misread the time and arrived just as they were closing.
The three points of the weekend that were "regular" and felt normal were a) Mass on Saturday evening, b) visiting my MIL after Mass to talk and bring her Communion, c) swimming on Sunday.
On Saturday morning, I forced myself to run some extra miles. I was hoping to have them clear my mind and help my mood. They did not do so.
The Retiree Cigar Group was pleasant last Thursday. Then Friday happened and it was just beyond rough since. I struggled to try to find any meaning in getting up to run this morning and also struggled to find any meaning to go to work this morning. Neither seem important, nor valuable. I did them because it is "expected" of me to do so.
As seems logical, my damn TMJ has been acting up in the worst possible ways the last several days. I am wearing one of my bite splints basically 24/7 at the moment (other than when eating) just to keep the pain and discomfort more manageable.
Most of the time, all I want to do is sleep. Yet, that is "great" in terms of a) waisting away my life, and b) even though when I get to sleep, I can usually be blissfully outside of my hurts.... my dreams the last few days would intrusively turn towards the painful emotions, and I would awaken tense and exhausted.
So. That is about all there is.
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
Professor, I assume you are well-situated for retirement, so if the University ever becomes too much a source of despair, you don't need to subject yourself to that. And on the home front, while I understand that you might be "disappointed" with a relative's choices and actions, such conduct shouldn't be leading you to "despair" as you cannot prevent another person from ruining his or her own life if that's the person's choice. What you CAN do, however, is prevent that person from ruining YOUR life, by realizing that they -- not you -- are accountable for their bad decisions.
Frig lost a comment, so I shan't repeat, but I hope you find something to change things.
I'm sorry you're going through this and it sounds like you are on overload right now. Unfortunately, the bad decisions of our adult children are out of our control. I could write a whole blog about that --not just one post.
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