Well...

I made it through Thanksgiving.  It was not horrible.  Things broadly with what I do not mention are again back to being... simply nebulous, frustrating, sad, and disheartening..... which is to say... it is a tremendous improvement over what it had been like recently.

I am making a concerted effort to TRY to the best of my ability, to not focus all my time and energy on this situation.  It does me no good. It exhausts and hurts me, and who the hell knows how much time I have left to try to have a life?  This is the approach I have been trying to foster in myself since perhaps Saturday.  It has helped to make things LESS unpleasant.

* * * * *

I have tried to retune my focus on my running.  I am again consistently hoofing out the 10 miles (~16 km) each morning.  After the "corn/callous/plantar wart"  thing (never got a clear answer which it was from the foot doctor, he said they are all treated the same anyhow), I was struggling to get myself back up to my normal miles.  I really in many ways didn't give a damn anymore.  But, I am working to turn that around again.  Both yesterday and today's run has felt enjoyable.  

A part of what is helping with my running is that I broke down and bought a new pair of the damnably expensive running shoes.  The prior pair..... I absolutely hated.  They were version #21 of the brand of shoe I run in, and in version #21 they made some obnoxious changes to the heel of the shoe so it always felt like I was leaning too far FORWARD when I ran, and I could not land comfortably on my heel, but instead landed on the ball of my front foot.  Supposedly, this is a "new trend" in running and a lot of shoes are being made this way.  But, I HATE IT.  It feels worrisome and I keep thinking that it is making it more likely I will stumble and fall with those damn shoes. I have hoofed out well over 1,400 miles (~2,250 km) on those horrendous shoes... and I still HATE them, so I thought I could "deserve" a new pair.

So, how did I fix this?  Well, I did a fairly exhaustive Internet search (and it took QUITE a while) to find a pair of  the previous version (#20) of the shoe in my clod-hopper size (12.5 US, 47 EU).  I found ONE pair, and they were gray and orange.  When they arrived, it was like a night and day difference.  I could again comfortably land on my HEEL and run normally and did not feel like I was always falling forward.  I do not know what to do in the future though.  I should see if I can find another of the #20 version in my clod-hopper size and stow it away.  Either that, or I will next have to try to find another type of running shoe altogether, which is daunting.  These are the brand I started using (way back when it was version #9, I think) and never had any problems with my feet.  It was very challenging to find an old version #20 as they have been discontinued for at least a year, and my foot size also is not helpful in that regard.... not an abundant size.  It appears the lion's share of male shoes produced are in the size 7 - size 10 range, which must be where most folks's size falls, I guess.  

I was too "beat-up" emotionally to do anything on my Dad's 101st birthday.  I regret not having gone to the cemetery, but I was just not able to wrangle up the energy to go.  The blissful enticement of a pipe was not even enough on that day to get me out of my emotional torpor.  I regret missing that opportunity for a pipe as well. 

Yet, now that I am FORCING myself once again back into a state of normalcy.... I admit to looking forward to (hopefully) being able to attend the Retiree's Cigar Group this Thursday.  With last Thursday being Thanksgiving, there was no meeting that day, so it seems like it has been a very long time. I look forward to the camaraderie.  It is interesting that I now feel fully accepted into the group, which is very nice.  

So many end of the semester things need to be accomplished.  I should try to get back to focused work.

PipeTobacco