Thoughts Related to Comments from Pat
I got up early to get to the indoor track as early as I could. The snow is substantial, but as the track is close, I slowly was able to get my trusty steed there and back. Now, as I await news about U activities, I will write my post more early....
I am trying this out using a comment that Pat provided to me, that I had been thinking about many times since it was first posted.
Pat Commented (in reference to my "Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps" post:
None of my business, but I'll offer my own quick list of suggestions drawn from what I've read you posting here:
1. Re-engage your pipes as an ongoing support system.
I have been seriously considering this. The pipe I did allow myself at my Dad's 102nd birthday was in so many ways rather indescribable in the significant contentedness and wholeness it evoked in me. But, as I suspect most of you realize, I am not a man who tends to act particularly spontaneously, nor "spur-of-the-moment" on many things. I tend a bit towards deliberation and careful consideration. I have been spending time weighing the pros and cons mentally as I see them. I am still working through this process.
2. Set boundaries in your relationships at the University and at home. Recognize that other people's issues should not be allowed to affect your equilibrium.
Since the "Bootstraps" post, I have been working more on identifying to myself what my "boundaries" are currently, and what I want them to be both at work and at home. I have been, I believe, making a bit of progress (along with my focus on thoughts of gratitude as well). I think during the semester break, I may write out (perhaps here or perhaps in a printable list I can keep at my desk) a more detailed and specific set of these boundaries I wish to establish/maintain.
3. Acknowledge, accept, and maybe even embrace your limitations. The contributions we can make at age 70 are neither better nor worse than the contributions we can make at age 40, but they may look very different, and that's not only inevitable; it's OK.
Although I recognize and believe the above comment is TRUE.... I have to also admit that it stung to read and recognize the above AS true. At this point, I can FORCE myself to acknowledge limitations. Accepting and embracing them..... I have to admit I am struggling with these two ideas. I have always believed and felt that if I would work awfully damn hard, and if I would push aside the protests of my mind or body.... I could become the better person I believe I should be. Having having been a researcher and in having taught in the college classroom for some 40+ years now, I recognize that my role holistically is that of being a servant. And, yet, AS a servant, I can so readily see that I fail so very often at work (and hell, at home with family and friends too) that the idea of accepting or embracing limitations that in effect suggest I could... try less, I could...work less on trying to improve, I could... work less to serve.... feels wrong, feels like I am being selfish (more than I already am).
4. Recognize that in order to be as "other-directed" as your faith and conscience compel you to be, you must balance that with appropriate self-care. Even Jesus Christ took "me time" when He needed to recharge after engaging with the crowds. It's not "selfish" to enjoy a pipe, go for a jog, play an instrument, or sit quietly and reflect, as these inward foci should help give you the calm and focus to re-engage afterward with the busyness around you.
I think the above is quite significant for me to try to keep in the front of my mind. I remember when I was a young kid and was in one of my Catechism classes, and the our instructor (a nun) told us about and guided us to think about considering a vocation to become a priest or as a nun. I took this to heart, and thought about it frequently to try to discern if it would be a good path for me. I remember going to the libraries I had access to (the public library, my public school, and the parish library) and checking out a number of books over the years on the lives of priests, books about becoming a priest, various aspects of Catholic religious life (monastic living, etc). Ultimately, by the time I reached my early teens, I had to accept that life as a priest would not be a good choice for me. I felt it would be too isolating and too lonely for my personality. But, although it took a while longer to figure out HOW, I knew that I felt committed to having a role of service. For a while, I strongly considered a career in medicine, but ultimately I moved away from that aspiration as well, for even though my grades in college would have allowed me to attend, after shadowing medical staff (and veterinary staff as well) I realized that my personality was not well suited for medicine, for I feared I would not be able to shake off at the end of the day, the hurts, pain, and sorrows of my patients... it would become emotionally overwhelming. But, this realization that medicine was not a good psychological fit for me, helped me to find teaching and research, which IS a good fit for my personality.... and I still have the capability to be a servant to others.
I think the above is quite significant for me to try to keep in the front of my mind. I remember when I was a young kid and was in one of my Catechism classes, and the our instructor (a nun) told us about and guided us to think about considering a vocation to become a priest or as a nun. I took this to heart, and thought about it frequently to try to discern if it would be a good path for me. I remember going to the libraries I had access to (the public library, my public school, and the parish library) and checking out a number of books over the years on the lives of priests, books about becoming a priest, various aspects of Catholic religious life (monastic living, etc). Ultimately, by the time I reached my early teens, I had to accept that life as a priest would not be a good choice for me. I felt it would be too isolating and too lonely for my personality. But, although it took a while longer to figure out HOW, I knew that I felt committed to having a role of service. For a while, I strongly considered a career in medicine, but ultimately I moved away from that aspiration as well, for even though my grades in college would have allowed me to attend, after shadowing medical staff (and veterinary staff as well) I realized that my personality was not well suited for medicine, for I feared I would not be able to shake off at the end of the day, the hurts, pain, and sorrows of my patients... it would become emotionally overwhelming. But, this realization that medicine was not a good psychological fit for me, helped me to find teaching and research, which IS a good fit for my personality.... and I still have the capability to be a servant to others.
5. Accentuate the positive. You can't repair every broken or problematic relationship in your personal or professional life. But you can recognize that you are making a happy difference for the better as you engage with certain people and projects. Lean into those, and find ways to let the joy they bring spill over into the unavoidably icky activities that must take some of your time.
It is interesting that the above part of Pat's comment corresponded in a very similar way to the post I wrote right around the same time, about my trying to adopt more of an attitude of having gratitude. I have been continuing to work on this, with at night before sleep, I briefly give thanks for at least five things I can think about and recall during the day that were positive experiences. When I get up to run each morning, instead of dwelling on my aches and pains.... I have been trying to imagine three positive things I can accomplish in the day... beyond work, that can either a) help me find a way to show someone kindness or love, or b) help me to feel happiness.
6. Again, re-engage with your beloved pipes. You aren't some 20-year-old who could reasonably make the choice never to take up pipe-smoking. You are a pipe-smoker with a particular history that makes you one, and when you fight agains that reality you are just wasting energy that could better be expended on so many other facets of your life.
I am quite seriously considering this, as I mentioned above. And even though I suspect many would think this would be as easy as just grabbing a pipe, a pouch and my lighter.... I do not tend to act hastily. I do have to reason out IF this might actually BE the right path for me to adopt and that doing so is something I can commit to, long-term. I do not like being perceived as "inconsistent" where..... I do not do what I say I will do. I try very hard to be consistent in my thoughts and actions. I want folks to count on me (and my actions) as being reliable.
Hopefully this post will look normal in my blog... and if so, I can adopt this much easier method to reply to comments in future posts!
PipeTobacco
6 Comments:
accepting or embracing limitations that in effect suggest I could... try less, I could...work less on trying to improve, I could... work less to serve....
It's not that "accepting limitations" means trying less or working less, Professor. It's that the things you work hard on, or try hard at, will change as we age. For instance, you are likely at a point in your life where working hard to be a great mentor will yield more fruitful results than working hard to be a great innovator. With age, you may be less able to serve by living heavy boxes, but you may be more able to serve by organizing the content of those boxes. And after decades growing more deeply familiar with your field of study, you may be far better prepared to synthesize understandings across the breadth of your discipline than to dig deep for new data in one narrow sub-discipline. I didn't mean to suggest "Don't keep trying to work harder" -- I meant to suggest that you try to figure out where your hard work will yield the greatest payoff in combination with your current experiences and circumstances. Does that make sense, Professor?
...uh, that's "lifting" heavy boxes, not "living." Sigh...
I don’t know what you mean by getting comments directly through Blogger. Cold you elaborate?
When you cat and past, you can pick up unfortunate styling. You can usually select the text and convert it to normal, which us less distracting.
For what it's worth...I agree with Pat M. 100%. You are a pipe smoker. It's part of you. It makes you a better, more "complete" person. Why would you resist that? The world needs more Frumpy Pipe Smoking Professors, Professor. Tweed blazers carrying the aroma of pipe tobacco, offices and studies with some excellent room-note. That's part and parcel of being a pipe man Professor.
Pat’s observations are so wise. And make sense to me. But the most revealing and interesting reaction from FProf is this one: “I have to also admit that it stung to read and recognize the above AS true.” Stung? It almost sounds like FProf thinks he can, with hard work, defy aging. But he’s a scientist, he understands biology. Perplexing.
The formatting was odd--big and small text, but not hard to read. Pat makes excellent points about boundaries, the pipes and accepting limitations. I think you judge yourself too harshly; striving to become a better person doesn't mean that you're not a wonderful person to start with. Or that you're selfish.
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