Low Focus

 I am feeling extremely unfocused today, although I am fighting and struggling to get things I need to get done, accomplished.  My thoughts have been drifting more to thinking about my friend in hospice, and into the very dark rabbit hole of thinking about the meaninglessness of pretty much everything we do.  Thinking too hard on how useless, pointless, and meaningless any effort or any work we try to do in any facet of our lives..... is a truly soul-crushing mindset to be in.  Her being in hospice also has me remembering more deeply the deaths of so many loved family members and friends, and has had me re-experiencing the grief from these losses.  Not really anything else I can say about any of the above.... but it is damn hard to be in this mindset.  I have not yet figured out a way to push out of this thought pattern today.

Yesterday, I DID end up going to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  There were enough of the fellows who are super-talkative, that I could be my rather quiet self without worry.  It was a very pleasant way to spend part of the afternoon.  There, I was able to get out of my mind for a while and just relaxed.  I randomly picked a cigar this week, and did so because the band was interesting.  It was a simple grey and white band with a slight blue line outlining some of the letters.  I knew nothing about this cigar, but because the band matched the colors of our house (white with grey trim and a blue door), that is why I selected it.  Surprisingly, it turned out to be the most enjoyable of the cigars I had experienced in this Retiree's Cigar Group. It was still not a pipe.  But, it had more "nuance" than the others I had.  

And, I did also run, lift weights, and swim later in the day.  My swim, unfortunately, was a solo mission as my wife had a work-related dinner to attend last night.  

I have so much I need to DO, but so little energy to fight the entropy that is my mind at the moment.  

PipeTobacco