Practice

 

Purposeful efforts to steer my mind away from rumination about hurts and stubbornly fixed-focus on the "professsory" tasks I alluded to yesterday..... is NOT an easy task.  I am finding it takes considerable effort on my part to do so.  I guess that is to be expected, as it has been an ingrained pattern of mine for decades.  I DO FIRMLY believe that if I can master and wrangle more purposeful control over this fashion of thinking.... I WILL be able to experience a) more happiness, and b) have a more EXPERIENTIAL life..... both of which I realize I sincerely desire.  

In comments yesterday, my friend, AC alluded to the paradox of trying to control our minds WITH our minds.  I agree it is a rather confounding paradox.  Yet, it seems truthfully the only tools we have to attempt this task.  

If I am able to go (late) to the Retiree's Cigar Group tomorrow, and if there is at least a straggler or two remaining when I arrive... I believe I WILL feel that feel that wonderful sense of being part of an EXPERIENTIAL life that I so crave.  Part of me is hoping/considering trying to assess and analyze the experience as a means to better understand WHY and HOW it occurs so I may potentially be more easily able to replicate this in other aspects of day-to-day life.  Yet, in the same breath I also can see how the plan to assess and analyze the experience may in itself be ludicrous to attempt, and may in some fashion prevent the experiential aspect from occurring.    

In an ex post facto fashion I can identify the relived memories of pipes I have enjoyed in the past as sort of an "imaginary experiential" life as these memories help me cascade into sleep at night.  As a sleep tool, I think these memories are quite helpful.  But, they do not substitute for current experiential life.  

While it is true that both of the more easily identified experiential events (or memories) I mention are associated with indulgence in tobacco, in my opinion that is simply an artifact of my experiences across my lifespan.  I am by NO MEANS only trying to live experientially in the manner of pipes (or cigars)... I want to more fully live experientially in as many day-to-day things as I can muster and learn to have experientially.  

PipeTobacco