Very Hard
It was a very hard weekend.
Grades are due for my 200+ students. The new semester (accelerated pace) starts in less than a week and so I have to have those materials (electronic, paper, etc) all ready. Problems arose with the family member I do not speak about here but they have been really damn hard. My MIL was experiencing weakness and much greater dementia when we visited Saturday evening. I was very concerned. I am struggling to get talks together for the four research teams presenting at the regional conference in about two weeks.
I am getting inundated by many e-mails (perhaps ~35) of the 200+ students this semester, whining about there grade prospects and asking for "extra credit or "anything"" that can help them get the grade they want versus the grade they have earned. Three of these e-mails were from students (especially notoriously bad students) who attempt to "PUSH" at me with statements akin to "....well, you didn't reply to all my previous e-mails" (there was ONE prior e-mail asking me to open up 15 different electronic assignments for her and I ignored it as she had NO REASON other than her choosing to not do them at the appropriate time....and it CLEARLY STATES in my syllabus, and I say it aloud at least four times during the first week of the semester..... I DO NOT REOPEN ELECTRONIC ASSIGNMENTS) or "...I think it is unfair you asked this, and this assignment of us." (they are easy to earn points if the student does them and end up helping ~95% of students course grade). Both of these students are REPEATING the course as they failed the first time.
When (the fortunately VERY, VERY FEW) students attempt "bullying" tactics like the two above..... it makes my blood boil, and I would LIKE to reply back to them in a "fire and brimstone" or at least "snide and snotty" fashion telling them basically to go to hell. But, that would be both unkind and wrong.... and also damn foolish on my part. So, I have let my e-motions about that simmer and cool down before a write a brief, terse reply explaining that their "request" is not possible. I am glad the VAST MAJORITY of students are not like this, but the two or three that can be are memorable.
In the above, I actually WILL reopen assignments for students who have a LEGITIMATE reason (like a medical issue or a death in the family..... BUT NOT because they forgot or didn't want to do the damn thing at the time it was due. These electronic assignments are only worth perhaps 2-3 points each (in a class with over 1000 points to earn) and are a pain in the ass to open up for individual students, often taking 10-15 minutes for each student.
Trying very hard to focus NOT on ruminating was easier said than done this weekend. I was emotionally at my end. I cried a lot. When I could, I slept a lot. On Sunday, I had a splitting headache like with my TMJ acting up.... but more than usual. It was all along the right side of my face, eye and upper skull. My right eye was feeling extremely light sensitive. I felt like I was having a panic attack. My wife thinks I may have experienced a migrane as these were similar to the symptoms she has experienced when she has had a migraine. I slept and cried, on-and-off for about 2-3 hours on Sunday afternoon. When I got up, the light sensitivity had decreased some, and so had the headache. But, I was still emotionally and physically completely exhausted.
Fortunately it was heavily cloudy outside and I wore sunglasses. My wife and I went across town to the cemetery (where my parents are and my FIL (my wife's dad)). We went there specifically to clean the headstone of an elderly friend of ours who lives (now) about 3 hours away from the cemetery. She is almost 90 and is in frail health. She had always been faithful about bringing flowers to her Mom and Dad's gravestone..... and with Mother's Day coming up, and with her very likely not being able to come to the cemetery due to her health at the moment.... we went out to the cemetery with a flowering plant we bought for her Mom's headstone for Mother's Day. We did this so we could take a photograph, and then print it and send it to her, so she would see that we did this for her so she would know her Mom did receive flowers. Because of the harsh weather (still frost sometimes at night) we took the flowers back home with us so they would not freeze and will bring them back the day before Mother's Day to leave there (and I will be bringing a plant for my own Mom as well).
On Thursday, I did go to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" but because I was even later than usual, none of the group was there. I tried to read my book (I am re-reading Huxley's "Brave New World" at the moment.) but my heart and mind wasn't into reading. . I was also ahead of the evening crowd, so I had the place to myself. My mind kept going into rumination, but I kept trying to steer my focus onto my phone or at least onto the cigar. But.... overall it was not as wonderful as usual.
I am sorry for my own whining. But, I need this place to be able to try to express when I feel, good or bad.... to help me.
PipeTobacco
5 Comments:
Just think, Professor, if you were a teacher in Huxley's novel you wouldn't have to contend with a classroom filled with students having such variety of intelligence and motivation. As it stands, I hope you don't let a couple of Epsilon-Minus Semi-Morons spoil things for you just because they (unlike in Huxley's novel) haven't been taught to recognize and accept their circumstance.
Does your campus have something like an ombudsman's office to which you could direct the more obnoxious students? Instead of letting them nurse a personal grudge against you (or, more accurately, against the syllabus you gave them), perhaps you could let the ombudsman explain to these students that following the syllabus is the student's responsibility as well as the professor's? If you tell the entitled/obnoxious students that the ombudsman (or some appropriate Dean?) could intervene if deemed appropriate, maybe they'll go and bother someone else, and unless you've overlooked something truly significant (unlikely, I'd think), you can boil all further interactions down to "Talk to the Dean/Ombudsman/Whoever -- I'm done with you."
Oh, and if a family member's relationship with you is so fractured that it drives you to tears, I have to wonder whether it's time to cut it off. Or perhaps you could approach this difficult person with an ultimatum to the effect of: "You are not welcome in my home or in my life unless you come to family counseling with me and my wife"? It's one thing to deal with a difficult person, but it's quite another to deal with a person who refuses to work to resolve the difficulty. There comes a point at which someone who is hurting you enough to give you headaches and crying jags isn't just being selfish -- the person is actively hurting you, and may be a real danger to your mental and physical health. Please don't put up with being the victim of 'elder abuse' -- no matter what nominal 'relationship' you may have with the abuser.
What you write about students sending bullying emails is exactly what my older daughter experienced and why she is no longer a college professor. The admin of the second college where she taught often sided with the student and after 4 years of increasingly lazy and entitled behavior from her students, she gave up the position and moved back home to the West Coast. It sounds like everything from health issues to kid problems to work stress landed on you like a ton of bricks. I'm sorry, PT! I hope things improve. Sending supportive thoughts!
Sorry to hear about pushy students and a hard situation in your family. I hope things improve soon and your headache and overwhelmed feelings resolve.
You are due for a break in several areas of your life. Perhaps the new semester along with better weather will provide some sort of shift. I know it won’t cure TMJ or migraines, or perhaps it will.
Bullies makes my blood boil.
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