Comments on Comments (August 25th Edition)

More about the goings on tomorrow.  I wanted to get my responses to comments out today if I could with it being the first day of classes.  And, I have them below

 AC

Ya gotta wonder what is going on in that person’s head. I mean, we can’t all be chums, but there has to be a way to be aloof rather than mean.

I really wish I knew/understood myself.  My opinion is that she behaves the way she does based upon her upbringing.  I think she tends to FOLLOW people who speak the LOUDEST.  When I was a newbie in the Department, long, long, long ago, her thoughts and ideas were basically a parroting of the loudest fellow in our Department.  What he said, she agreed with and upheld.  I actually tended to agree with most things this guy said and thought.... he was a really nice guy, just LOUD and "commanding" to be listened to.  So, I never gave it much of a thought in my early friendship with the person I had been speaking about hurting me.  But, I have seen in quite a few instances over the decades, that she ends up adopting her mindset to whomever is simply the loudest and most pushy with their opinions.  Currently that person in our Department is the other person who hurts me greatly, so that is their current synergy.  This current loudmouth in our Department is someone whom I disagree with rather vehemently on a number of fronts that are significant in the Department.  

The young teachers in my department would joke about the brevity of our meetings.

Hah!  I can understand that.  

Prof. you have always been kind and sensitive, so I didn't that you could be a conservative -- not as they are now anyway. I say that as one who used to lean that way slightly. But that was long ago now.

Thank you!  I am societally and politically liberal, although I live my own life rather conservatively.  

GaP

Now THIS is the type of blog entry I remember reading back when you were a regular pipe-smoker. The passionate description of the leaf, its textures and flavors...Your loving or the ritual of melding flame to leaf. I consider myself a dilettante pipe smoker. But a proud pipe-smoker I am...and you were one of my first mentors, believe it or not.

Thank you.  I am glad to have been a mentor of sorts.  I wish I did not feel so much "conflict" myself.  Perhaps it would be more accurate for me to actually say I feel such a "juxtaposition" about things.... I think this is a better way to state it.  I feel so many different sides about my beloved pipes that it sometimes feels rather confusing. 

Katrina

I'm sorry to hear about the meanness - you don't deserve it and I hope the pain eases quickly.

For a while, I kept wondering if there was something I did to deserve this.  It has taken a LOT of careful thought and working through emotions over the years, but I more fully realize (most of the time anyhow) that I DO NOT deserve this treatment.  It doesn't really change that I do receive this treatment, unfortunately.  

You are so thoughtful in your replies! Good luck with the start of the semester.

Thank you!  Classes this morning were fun, in a blustery, getting students enthused and getting students planning their ways to attack the class sort of way.  

Linda's Relaxing Lair

The containers are nice.

Very, very true.  I have many, many empty pipe tobacco canisters.  Several of the ones I pictured, but many others as well.  They are esthetically pleasing to me to see, and have them all over the place in my garage and workroom holding all sorts of different odds and ends.  

Margaret

I don't understand meanness so I hurt for you. You seem like a fair and likeable person who always tries to do his best in his job and with his colleagues. Is she jealous? Power hungry? I would say that's it's all about her and not you, but that's no consolation.

I agree with you... it really does not make sense.  I have never really encountered this sort of thing before the major culprit in meanness came into our Department (the person I spoke about last Thursday is this major culprit's "minion" and this "minion" who is also now mean and unpleasant was a long standing former friend.  

Ten potentials? You need more narrowing. ;)

You are indeed correct.  But, it is a difficult to accomplish, albeit fun process.  All the beautiful memories are so enjoyable to relive, and yet, I do eventually pick "the one" so I can have it for the display..... and very truthfully also to allow me to adopt Pat's wonderful suggestion of smoking that particular pipe one time as a special event opportunity before I have it be the "display".   

I did perceive it as the way you presented it and not as negative, but that you were unsure that you could meet their needs or be an interesting speaker for that kind of event. I appreciate your explanation and clarification.

I am glad.  I always worry about words.  Words can sometimes impart unintended meanings.  I TRY to be very, very careful in my word choices.  

Pam J

Work feuds are the worst feuds. I used to say that every job comes equipped with its own personal pile of sh*t stinking up one corner of the office. It’s the law. And speaking of laws, have you heard of Sayre’s Law? One version of it was popularized by Kissinger: "Academic politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small." I have great respect for educators so I don’t necessarily agree that the stakes are small. But I’ve read many, many novels written by academics where faculty feuds are the centerpiece of the plot. Two novels that I recall are Dear Committee Members by Julie Schumacher, a professor of creative writing at Univ of Minnesota, and Straight Man by Richard Russo, a former academic who gave up teaching when his first novel was a success. Both books might make you laugh at your personal situation.

I love the Kissinger rendering of Sayre's Law..... neither of which I had heard before, but have now written down to make sure I can keep it in mind.  I may make a print-out of it to staple to my bulletin board in my office.  And, I thank you greatly for the two book suggestions!!!!  I have looked up both and have ORDERED both!!!!!!  I think they will be helpful to me to read!  I ordered used copies so they may be a bit slow to arrive, but I am excited to get them.  

I think about that a lot. That reminds me of the novel The Oppermanns by Lion Feuchtwanger, published in 1934 and republished in 2020 by someone who no doubt saw the parallels between trumpism and Germany in the early 30s. Good book. Unsettling.

I have this book now in my queue too, but have not yet ordered it.  I may see if I can check it out of the library first to see if I feel encouraged to read it all (before buying) or if it will depress me too much.  

...as always, your self-analysis is interesting. I’ve been reading your blog long enough (and thoroughly enough) that I already knew everything you said about yourself in your reply. You are in so many ways an open book, which is why I’m hooked on your blog and a handful of others.

Thank you.  I do admit to trying to self-analyze..... but sometimes I wonder if it a benefit or a hinderance to do so?  At some level, it may not matter which it is.... for I think I do NOT know of any way to STOP myself from self-analyzing.  I have tried to stop ruminating as much as I have in the past, and that itself is awfully damn hard.  However, I think I am progressing a bit in that goal.  Rumination is going to of course contain SOME self-analysis..... but (at least to me) rumination is broader.... and extends beyond self to far more as well.  

Pat

Professor, if this chaotic and sneaky meanness was inflicted on you in the course of academic activity, can you enlist the support of a college dean or other senior administrator who might at the very least be an empathetic sounding board but might actually become an ally (and protector if the meanness/sneakiness is not just subjectively hurtful but actually impedes your academic and professional work)?

I am debating that.  It may be possible or it may be something that would backfire (the particular up-and-up administrator is a little focused on "easy" (for him) rather than "right" in many decisions.  So, I am still considering it.  

Another approach: Is there anything you could do in the spirit of Romans 12:20, showing this person unmerited kindness and support despite her awfulness toward you? Best-case, as a former friend you might melt her heart a bit and regain some of what was lost. Middling-case, you might confuse her and leave her feeling guilty for her actions. Worst-case, at least you would know in your heart that she hasn't brought you down to her level of sneakiness and meanness.

That is actually very, very wise.  I would like to think I could muster up enough fortitude and energy to actually show unmerited kindness to this person.  But, I have NOT been able to do this so far.  My best ability up to this point has been to avoid this person as successfully as I can.  But, I know (and you know) that is not what I am supposed to do,  nor necessarily what my Roman Catholic faith would guide me to do.  I struggle to figure out how to successfully do what you suggest.  I do not know if I am strong enough. 

Anyway, if there is something that you know is important to, or valued by, this hurtful person, is there any way you could return to her your kindness in repayment of her hurt?

Especially if this colleague has hurt you publicly, and your other colleagues are aware of her actions, your taking the high road might be exactly the response she neither expects nor wants, yet might be not only the best spiritual choice for you but also the most practical choice in winning over your co-workers and making your/their hurtful colleague look like a selfish and desperate loser by comparison.

Again, you are truthfully very right in the above.  Yet, at least currently, I am too weak to do this.  I think you are correct that it should be what I do. 

Professor, if I'm understanding your description of the display, it sure sounds like you could add one nice feature -- you could leave the pipe's bowl accessible such that you could load it with a favorite tobacco (albeit unlit), and thus give your display a subtle olfactory enhancement, to make it all the more evocative of happy memories.

A nice idea, but probably not practical.  I envision the pipe being above the photos adhered to a plaque,  With the arrangement of my office, the photos will be hanging at roughly ~65 inches and the pipe plaque will be centered above the three photos.  It would be a little tall to easily fill the bowl regularly to use as an aroma enhancer.  

Fortunately, however, I can easily just open any number of the pouches of pipe tobaccos in my desk drawers in that office anytime for the olfactory enhancement!  And, truthfully, I do that rather regularly.  

PipeTobacco