Today is the start of a new day, but will it be a day that is good or a day that is bad? I do not know, but in my gut the impression I have for today is that it will be somewhat sour. Work has been progressing in a satisfactory manner... my students seem mostly average to a little above average this semester. I have a few students who are top notch as well. But at this midpoint in the semester I am feeling that same old rush/hurried aspect of life that is in my mind, rather debilitating. I have so many tasks I must juggle and keep from falling that if I think about it too long it becomes overwhelming. This is the odd part, though... what do I do about it. Yes, I will work at the items that need doing, and yes I will of course seek solace in the bowl of my beloved briar pipe, but what else?

For me the answer has been to imagine the pleasure and soothing nature of being drunk. Sometimes it is a situation where I become intoxicated at deer camp, or sometimes simply at home, or sometimes on the beach next to the lake. Sometimes I imagine being drunk at a bar and starting a brawl, sometimes I imagine being drunk and having a fling with a woman I just run into that evening.

To me this odd sort of mental game where I imagine and take pleasure in being drunk is rather odd. In real life I drink rather lightly (perhaps a dozen or so drinks a year) but I have been drunk on occasion in my life and have even had a handful of hangovers when I was younger. The aspect of this fantasy that I have that is thought provoking and/or disturbing is the intensity of relaxation and enjoyment I receive from these fantasies. I *could* drink like a fish and I *could* be drunk as a skunk every night if I wished.... but in the real, day-to-day world I don't wish for that. I have too many things I wish to accomplish, too many people that depend on me, too little time to try to make a difference, too little time to make a mark in life.

Why then does my fantasy life so frequently revolve around something I could easily do in real life but dont? I find it interesting and perplexing.

I need to go shopping now, for I am almost out of pipe tobacco.