Moody, But Hopeful

I have been feeling rather moody the last week or so, and am trying to work it out and get to a better state of mind.  Work has been too busy.  Too much Department Chairman b*llsh*t.  Too many underprepared research students.  Too many rude, and uncaring co-workers who act selfish.  I have also been feeling very concerned and worried that I must change my pipe smoking habit.  I fear failing getting rid of my pipe again.  II fear not doing something.  I worry about how out-of-sorts I feel when I put away the pipe, and I feel angry that I must be too damn dumb, too damn selfish, and too damn chicken sh*tt*d to gear up to do what I need to do to make it happen.  

I feel like doing nothing.  I feel like I have no goals, or hopes, or dreams anymore.  I feel like a robot, simply doing the algorhythm I was programmed to do every day.  

The only minor bright spot I see currently is that I have stuck with the running.  I have been running 28-30 miles a week since sometime in June.  I just passed 900 miles of running.  I still walk and all that, too.  So my exercise is the one constant I have.  

My wife is taking action too to improve her health.  She has Type 2 diabetes and has been working pretty hard for three weeks now to get things better controlled.  I am happy she is feeling motivated.  

I have been contemplating giving my pipe up for lent (starts next Wednesday). When I did that two years ago, I had the closest level to success in getting rid of the damn pipe of the different approaches I have tried.  I do not know if I have enough gumption or stamina to do it though.  

I try to keep in mind that Fenruary is usually like this for me.  I think the Winter and the lack of light bring many of these feelings out in me at this time of year.  I hope I can just keep pushing through it.

PipeTobacco