I have been feeling rather moody the last week or so, and am trying to work it out and get to a better state of mind. Work has been too busy. Too much Department Chairman b*llsh*t. Too many underprepared research students. Too many rude, and uncaring co-workers who act selfish. I have also been feeling very concerned and worried that I must change my pipe smoking habit. I fear failing getting rid of my pipe again. II fear not doing something. I worry about how out-of-sorts I feel when I put away the pipe, and I feel angry that I must be too damn dumb, too damn selfish, and too damn chicken sh*tt*d to gear up to do what I need to do to make it happen.
I feel like doing nothing. I feel like I have no goals, or hopes, or dreams anymore. I feel like a robot, simply doing the algorhythm I was programmed to do every day.
The only minor bright spot I see currently is that I have stuck with the running. I have been running 28-30 miles a week since sometime in June. I just passed 900 miles of running. I still walk and all that, too. So my exercise is the one constant I have.
My wife is taking action too to improve her health. She has Type 2 diabetes and has been working pretty hard for three weeks now to get things better controlled. I am happy she is feeling motivated.
I have been contemplating giving my pipe up for lent (starts next Wednesday). When I did that two years ago, I had the closest level to success in getting rid of the damn pipe of the different approaches I have tried. I do not know if I have enough gumption or stamina to do it though.
I try to keep in mind that Fenruary is usually like this for me. I think the Winter and the lack of light bring many of these feelings out in me at this time of year. I hope I can just keep pushing through it.