Reframe
There is not a whole helluva lot I can do about any of the situations that have been making me feel very sour. And, as I cannot exist healthily in that emotional state, I am trying to reframe my mind to "ignore" that which I cannot control or change. That is perhaps the best I can do at the moment. So much "pop-psychology" suggests that a person must "process" their e-motions. But, what the hell does that actually mean? To my manner of thinking, that suggests that I should think about and focus on how to SOLVE these situations. But, the reality is I CANNOT solve them. My friend has died. The person I do not speak of is still being horrible and an idiot. I CANNOT change those things, no matter how long I ruminate over them.
The best I can muster, I believe, is to ignore them as well as I can, until one or both or additional things rear their ugly heads again and I am FORCED back into the sour state. It is hard to live this way with unresolved crap, and crap that will remain bad. But, I have no ability to control or shape it. It is akin to simply waiting for one disaster after another. But, at least working to ignore things can make the current moment less unpleasant.
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So, in my "reframed" mind, I am focusing on what I can do, or have done:
- I ran a FULL 10 miles this morning (~16 km). This is the first time since my heel issue. Overall, it was nice to have done it again. I can still feel some less-than-typical aspects to my gait on that side that had the heel issue. But, I am hopeful that it will become more limber and less achy with my having a return to a more normal running gait.
- I am going to try very hard to attend the Retiree's Cigar Group tomorrow. I am working hard today to try to assure I have no potential conflicts that may pop up.
- I am going to need to lecture at an accelerated pace today to assure that I can get through the needed materials for one of my classes. For reasons I do not quite understand, I have been getting slower, or perhaps more accurately, too expository in one of my classes and I find I am not getting to where I need to so the kids can take there exam next week as scheduled. I had to submit the damn exam to the Graphics Center so many weeks ago (new, stupid policy) that I have to get through this material today.
- I am going to practice some today on my tenor sax. Music makes me feel happier and more calm.
- I am going to allow myself to carry around a pacifier (one of my pipes) today. It may look foolish, but it is comforting to me.
5 Comments:
Professor, your pipe-pacifier is NOT "foolish." It's a tangible reminder of values and priorities and ideals. And I think it is directly related to the re-framing of which you wrote. Think of the old "Serenity Prayer" with its line, "Help me accept the things I cannot change." That doesn't mean you must LIKE or APPROVE of those things; it just means that they aren't yours to change. You've lost a dear friend to death, which not only hurts but reminds us that even the finest earthly pleasures are temporary. And you're dealing with some great displeasure with the unspoken-person. But even in the face of sadness and displeasure, there are ideals that remain unchanged -- spiritual ideals, emotional ideals, and physical ideals, whether or not those ideals are fully accessible to you at this moment. So I think that, for you, the pipe-pacifier is a wonderful reminder of those ideals. It may even give you greater strength to let go of your hurt regarding the unspoken-person's idiocy, and to contextualize your sadness at the loss of your friend.
As for the pre-printed exam, if somehow you don't get to covering all the material covered in the exam, could you in the worst-case simply tell the students something like, "Questions X through Y are extra-credit and won't be counted against you if you miss them"? Or is the not-yet-covered material scattered throughout the test, such that you might simply when grading take not of that and not count those questions toward the students' overall grade?
Enjoy your time on the tenor sax, which is clearly a happy pacifier in its own way. You'll get through this, Professor!
In my first year of teaching, the exam that was set had a lot of material that I hadn't taught. (We didn't really have official outlines in our geography department in 1971.) My three-day 'review' covered a lot of new ground. 😊
Happy that you're back to normalish on the running and that you're intending to go to the Retirees' Cigar Group. There is so much out of our control that affects our lives. I understand.
Self-care and soul-nourishment are by no means foolish, Professor...
You need a hard reset, Professor. I used to try to control every aspect of my life and it consumed me. The key here is to truly care less and spend more time on yourself. It’s not an easy thing to do but it is liberating.
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