The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Thursday, September 21, 2023


I am feeling very emotionally low.  All the sh*t related to this past several days has killed any sense of happiness I felt.  So, tomorrow, Friday.... is bound to be filled with sheer joy (sarcasm):

  • I get to present the already agreed to initiatives to the damn department for additional "discussion" after I had previously been given verbal approval and the go-ahead to do all the sh*t work on them since March.  It is very possible that NOW, after they were agreed to in March, that the nasty duo will figure out a way to kill all that work and effort.  Not knowing what will transpire makes me on edge.  My anxiety levels about this are catastrophically high.
  • That which I no longer speak about is having a "thing" on Friday that could be very upsetting to my wife and I.  Not knowing what will transpire makes me on edge. (Brief note for Pat.... the "thing" is not illegal, as you had worriedly postulated, it is just very, very hard, discouraging, and hurtful).  My anxiety levels about this are catastrophically high.

I do not have much more to say that the above.  I feel hugely burdened.  I despise my life as it is.  I want to take my wife and simply run away.  In my dreams before sleep, I imagine winning the lottery and then getting all my financial ducks in a row over the span of 2-3 weeks.... and then telling an especially selected set number of folks (hint.... the folks mentioned and also the "no longer mentioned" above) what I actually think of them and their various actions/behaviors.... then writing a brief, two-to-three sentence e-mail to the pertinent folks at the U telling them I quit.  Then I would shut the door and walk away from the whole lot of them.

Life is not meant to be like this.



Blogger Anvilcloud said...

It's after 11pm, not late but I started to fall asleep but aches and pains had their way with me. Sorry about your troubles and mine.

Thursday, 21 September, 2023  
Blogger Margaret said...

I'm so sorry, PT. What a lot of stress and brought on by other people who should be supportive--but instead seem determined to make life miserable for others. :(

Friday, 22 September, 2023  
Blogger Liz Hinds said...

Oh PipeTobacco, life sounds so hard for you at the moment. I pray it stabilises and your spirit is lifted.

Sunday, 24 September, 2023  
Blogger jenny_o said...

I'm so sorry you're having these twin crises. The first (work-related) reminds me of times my late husband had tried to introduce new ideas at work or in volunteer organizations, only to run into small-minded people who hated change. It's not you; it's them. I hope you will at least get a chance to question why these folks agreed and then withdrew their agreement. The second thing, the one you "no longer speak about" - perhaps it is the thing you've mentioned to me - I hope it goes well. I know that feeling of impending disaster and hope it comes right in spite of your trepidation.

Breathe, eat properly, get your exercise - you're doing all the right things. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow are all new days and I hope they bring improvement.

Sunday, 24 September, 2023  
Blogger GaP said...

Professor...Do you have the option to do this on some level? Just quit academia? Reinvent yourself? As you say, life isn't supposed to be like this...

Monday, 25 September, 2023  
Blogger GaP said...

Getting a little bit worried about you, Professor...

Monday, 02 October, 2023  

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