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Disinfect

Today, I was remembering the following situation that occurred two or three weeks ago while I was working in the yard preparing for the upcoming Winter:

I accidentally scraped the back of my hand hard against the rough bark of the white pine in my yard as I was cleaning. The scrape was damaging enough to bleed, so I thought I better take care of it instead of simply continuing to work. I did not really want to take the time to brush off all the dirt and grime I had on my clothes nor take off my shoes to go into the house to get the "real" first aid supplies from the main floor bathroom in the house. Instead, I went to the small "office area" I had for myself in the pole barn. There, I had a few ancient wound cleaning/healing supplies that I mostly used for scrapped knuckles and such when I was working on the tractor, lawn mower, or a vehicle.

I pulled out a very old bottle of rubbing alcohol, a guaze pad, and a roll of masking tape. I opened the rubbing alcohol and poured some over top of the wound and gritted my teeth through the sharpness of the pain it elicited. While I was waiting for the pain to dissipate and for my hand to dry enough so I could secure the gauze pad, I read the instructions on the bottle of the rubbing alcohol:

For Disinfectant Use: Apply liberally to surfaces, cuts, or abrasions to cleanse and disinfect.

I didn't think much about what I read, and my hand really was dry enough now so that I could wrap some masking tape around my hand to hold the gauze in place and I went back to work.

However, thinking about it now, this has been a helluva rough last few weeks. I feel as if my mind is wounded, abraised by the sadness and gloom I have felt. I have felt this way on-and-off for quite a while, but I think I have made progress... it is just that this most recent bout has been especially exhausting and debilitating. I do not know where to turn, except inward towards myself and struggle with all the damnable determination I can muster to force my thoughts to change from gloom and utter devastation and sadness to joy and robust, vital living.

I want to have sheer happiness. I want to have a mind that gets to enjoy life's delightful variances. I want to see more again the joy and beauty I KNOW is out there in my family, my community, and my world. I want to feel and experience that beauty like I used to so much of the time in my life.

I want to be energized to live. I want to be robust again in my actions, in my goals, and in my psyche. I want to seek opportunities to even experience more joy. I want to feel I am being the best husband/father/teacher/professor I can be and give those that I love, my personal best. I want to have my family reverberate with joy that reflects off of me so that I can help THEM to be joyous. I want to live life large.

In my office this morning I have only a bit of work to do before I head out, and the rest of the day is mine. However, the first thing I did when I arrived was to print out the following several times on a sheet of labels:

For Disinfectant Use: Apply liberally to
surfaces, cuts, or abrasions to cleanse and disinfect.

On the way home, I am going to stop at the liquor store and buy a bottle of Wild Turkey whiskey. I plan to slap one of these labels on the bottle and then head home to pack up and head to Deer Camp. I will call my wife to let her know what I decided, grab a few clothes, several pipes, ample pipe tobacco and head out the door to my truck. I have at least a3.5 hour drive North (longer if traffic is heavy) to reach Deer Camp. I suspect I will cry, but also I am bound and determined to spend time contemplating deeply how I plan to fix my mind, and hence my spirit so that I can live the joyful, robust, energized life I want. My goal is to put into place the plan I devise starting on Monday morning.

But first, I will spend the weekend amply disinfecting the raw surfaces, emotional cuts and hurtful abrasions on my mind, just like the bottle says, by applying liberally.... all weekend, while playing poker with the others at deer camp. I have plenty of extra labels for other disinfecting alcohols I may need in this task. By the time the weekend is done, my mind should be disinfected and cleansed from all the hurt and sorrow. My mind will be clean and free of the germs of despair, and I will be able to start anew.

PipeTobacco