The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Same Old 

It is just the same old refrain again.  Physically, I am at least partially over the illness (cold or flu, it really doesn't matter a whole helluva lot what it was).  However, I still feel quite run down and nauseous.  So, things appear on the mend.

Emotionally, I am completely spent.  I am just trying to go through the motions of what I should be doing, until I leave.  Then I will likely crawl into bed.  At some point, my spirits may lift.  I hope so.

I have a lot of anger, a lot of disappointment, a lot of sadness, a lot of frustration, and a lot of aggravation. They seem to overwhelm me.  I try to tell myself that everyone experiences this sh*t, so why in the hell should I be complaining about anything?  So, why do I complain?  Why am I so utterly without joy?

I hate myself.  I despise myself.  Yet, why do I not have even one milligram of feelings of joy or at least contentment?    Where did all that go?  It feels like it is lost forever to me. 

Sunday was a nice day.  A busy but calm day where I felt love.  Monday I became sick with this damn cold or flu and my world lost all its love.  There is no joy.  I cannot see any joy.

I miss life.  I feel as if I am dead.



Blogger BBC said...

Why don't I just come over there and beat the shit out of you, would that make you feel better?

Maybe you would feel better if they fired your whinny ass and you had to go look for another job. Or not, you'd whine about that also I suppose.

Your problems are nothing compared to many, shut up. :-)

Thursday, 03 May, 2012  
Blogger BBC said...

What do you think it would take to make you feel like a better person?

A more happy and cheerful person?

Thursday, 03 May, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe a psychiatrist and some prescribed medication would help? I am not saying this in a mean way but am serious.

Thursday, 03 May, 2012  
Blogger BBC said...

I hate myself. I despise myself.

If you don't fucking knock it off I'll start despising you.

Thursday, 03 May, 2012  
Blogger austere said...

PT, what's the matter?
You sound terribly emotionally spent. broken hearted, I'd say if I didn't know you somewhat over the years.
Yes, and once again I agree with BBC.
Tis spring, so beautiful outside, go click some pictures, go see how lovely everything is.

Friday, 04 May, 2012  
Blogger BBC said...

I hate to say it but maybe you should see a shrink, there's something not right with you.

Friday, 04 May, 2012  
Blogger amelia said...

This doesn't sound good at all and for what it's worth, I definitely think you need to see a doctor of some sort. At least your family doctor and he can send you to a specialist.

Friday, 04 May, 2012  

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