2,362 Miles !

 

 

Well, after this morning's run on the treadmill, I have found that I will close our the year having accumulated a total of 2,362 miles of running in 2020 (this is ~3,802 km ran in 2020).  I am pretty amazed that I was able to do this.  

In the greater scheme of life, it is not much of anything truly important.  I know that.  But, for a grey, furry-faced, old curmudgeon who was never athletically inclined in any way..... it is pretty damn good.

Even though I do not know the precise pacing of my runs in total across the year, I estimate that my average pacing was that I ran these miles on average at an 8:45 minute/mile pace ( ~5:20 minute/km pace).  The couple of times I ran a single mile FULL FORCE as fast as I could muster, I was able to run a single mile in 7:50.  

I did reach my goals of running at least 1 Half Marathon (13.1 miles (or ~21.1 km) run each month (total of 12 Half Marathon runs this year).  And, I also "Ran the Year" by the middle of November.

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Freud's concepts of "Id", "Ego" and "Superego" have been on my mind a fair amount lately:

Id - the part of the mind in which innate instinctive impulses and primary processes are manifest.

Ego -  the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

 

Superego -  the part of a person's mind that acts as a self-critical conscience, reflecting social standards learned from environmental and cultural experience.

 

In trying to understand my drives, my motivations, and to attempt to be a better person, I think examination of who I am and what drives me is helpful.  I do try to make decisions based upon what is the "better" thing for me to do, but many of my choices are in a sort of "grey" zone, with some ambiguity.  

One example (of many) is my pipe smoking.  At some level, the hobby of the briar for me is/was driven by my id.  It is in many ways an innate, instinctive impulse and has for so many decades been a primary process for me.  But, also at another level my pipe smoking is also an aspect of my superego, for it is/was based upon my environmental and cultural experiences (learned the delightful art from my father, had many pipe smoking buddies over the years, including my father-in-law, etc).  Then there are also the other superego environmental aspects of the modern world's view of tobacco indulgence, the scientific view of the health effects of tobacco indulgence, etc that also shape my superego.  It is my ego that is the mediator between the two factions.  

My ego has had a helluva workout for a few years now, and has had an especially high intensity workout these last 34 months or so.  For a few years before I quit smoking my pipes and pipe tobaccos, I had been feeling considerable "superego" pressure to refrain because of the negative societal and scientific environments concerning my beloved pipe tobaccos. Unfortunately, the positive "superego" aspects relating to my pipe smoking have all fallen to the wayside, as I no longer have any pipe smoking comrades near me.  

So, as I still debate in my mind whether to rejoin the hobby, the avocation, or whether I will still refrain.... I think the above ideas help to put into words why my actions, my ideas, my behaviors may at times feel diametrically opposed to each other.  I mean, in my MIND, I see the incongruity of being a runner and yet also being a pipe smoker.  It sounds like the left and right hemispheres of my brain do not communicate and run independently.  I can fully understand how odd some of what I write may read to you..... no clear, consistent path, no clear, consistent answer.  

 

I apologize for this.  But, even though I wish a lot of my thoughts were more clear cut, and consistent.... what I write IS the reality of how my mind is.... on pipes and pipe smoking..... and on most of the things I do write about here.  

 

If I had my druthers, I would be smoking my pipes right now. I have come to realize in 2020 that I believe I will ALWAYS feel that desire to do so.  I had previously thought that the desires and memories would fade and eventually dissipate.... but that is not my reality.  My reality is that I suspect I am destined to always have this be a competitive interaction between my id and my superego.  I suspect it would be so if I continue to refrain and would also be so if I rejoined the beautiful, graceful hobby.  So, I am not really much if any closer to a decision on this matter today.

 

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In my 35+ years of teaching college students, even though I have had a small number of impolite students (including three memorable "doozies"  that live on in my mind in infamy)...... I can still say that 99+% of my students are wonderful, and that I do love teaching, and love working with students.  Even during this mandated cyborg teaching due to Covid-19.... while currently the "fun" is more muted.... it is still something I enjoy, something I believe I am good at, and is something that I feel allows me to contribute to the "good" to help society and to help in a way that I can to try to make things better.  This joy of teaching, and the inherent joy of discovery I get in my research as well both help keep me in my job here at the U, even with the interpersonal relationship issues I have with a couple of folks in the Department that I greatly dislike because of their lack of empathy, lack of kindness and lack of respect.  

Here is a wish for 2021 to be a better and safer year for everyone!

PipeTobacco