Hitting All the Hard Items

 I have been one helluva busy beaver these last two days.  I have been running 10 miles (~16 km) each day.  And, today there were 20 mph headwinds (~31 mph) for half of it which was really difficult with it being at the freezing mark for temperature.  

I spent all day yesterday with the wife and one kid of ours delivering cookies all over the place.  Today, my wife and I spent all day wrapping presents for folks.  

I had forgotten (or perhaps chose to ignore, or perhaps thought I had grown past) all the various Holiday triggers for me this time of year.  Having a huge array of rich cookies and pastries around me all day, every day makes it extremely difficult for me to NOT eat them constantly all day long.  In my prior patterns before losing 130+ pounds (~60 kg) several years ago, I would snack most of the day at this time of the year.  Being home with all these treats makes it seem harder than even just last year (pre Covid) because I could go to the U, I could go shopping, or other things which had often been coping mechanisms to not eat out of “just because” it was there.  

Three years ago, I would often have a drink or two in the evening this time of year, just with visiting with friends or relatives.  I do not have any real issues with drinking to any excess, so I could do that now without any worry.  But, I do not do so, because the one thing I do know is that with a drink or two in my belly, the willpower I can muster to refrain from eating excessive sweets is reduced.  And, the most problematic issue is that a drink or two makes my desire for a pipe go up exponentially.  

And, my pipes at this time of year until these past 34 months were always my constant companion, my go-to way to take a bit of a break in the day, a way to simply enjoy a moment of not working.  Hell, the pipes were also part and parcel of my WORKING on things this time of year too!  I am feeling rather “naked” and a bit lost this year without a pipe.  I keep ruminating much of the day if I COULD have a pipe just for “old times sake” during this time.  I keep nudging my mind more closely to thinking perhaps I could.  I do SO very much want to.  It seems like it would be a cornucopia of joy and pleasure to do so, even if just once.  But, I keep debating in my mind if I am being truthful to myself or if I am just selling myself a bill of farcical goods with this notion.  

It is a challenging time for me, to discern my true path.  It is a period where my thoughts simply swirl back and forth.  

PipeTobacco