Wretched
It was not a great weekend. Unfortunately, the difficulties were related to that which I no longer talk about here. So, not much of an ability to write about it. But, I will write "around" it a bit below:
1. As the weekend approached, I knew what to expect. Unfortunately because I knew, it dramatically increased my stress hormones beyond what even running would help dissipate.
2. This may be "too much information" so skip if squeamish.... but a very TYPICAL physiological response for me when I get such levels of stress and anxiety is to become utterly constipated. I even took one laxative tablet to try to help facilitate matters on Saturday.
3. I had no movement in that real since last Wednesday evening..... which is atypical in normal circumstances, but also very typical in high stress and anxiety circumstances.
4. By the time things started to return back to a "normal" which was late afternoon on Sunday (yesterday), I was so utterly exhausted and so rife with painful TMJ, that I did not end up doing much that evening. Before we settled down to try to relax for the evening, my wife and I did go swimming, which was..... BY FAR.... the best thing that happened since Thursday.
5. I went to bed last evening, and slept fitfully (atypical for me). I ended up having a horrendous nightmare (topic not to be talked about)... and awoke ~2:30am angry as hell.
6. I had terrible difficult trying to get back to sleep, but eventually did sleep a bit more until the alarm jangled me away at ~5:15am.
7. I was still very angry. My body ached. My mind ached. My TMJ ached.
8. I forced myself to run outside (and it was cold, only 36 degrees F (~2 C)).
9. Upon my return, I sat down with my wife. We discussed more of the weekend. I explained (vehemently) that I needed some form of ultimatum. I cannot live in this fashion anymore. There is a need (requirement) for some actual ADULT behavior, without which, I cannot put up with things any more. My thoughts are that forcing ADULT behavior will not FIX things.... but it will make things a "tolerable terrible" if you understand my meaning. It is doubtful things will ever be considered "good" but, "tolerable terrible" is a whole helluva lot better than the current state of affairs.
10. My wife actually agreed. We will see what, if anything transpires.
Then I went to work, and have worked myself into exhaustion until I sat down a few minutes ago to write this out as best as I could.
That is all for today.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
Oh, such anguish. So sorry about that.
I have the opposite problem when stressed--also not good. This doesn't sound like a healthy or workable situation for anyone; I'm relieved that you'll be making some changes to it, for everyone's sake moving forward. P.S. This is your site and you can write about anything and anyone you want. I remember the one commenter who criticized you, unfairly in my opinion. She or he had no right to do that; it's your business what you choose to share. (or not)
Are the undiscussable stresses something that your pipes formerly helped you endure? Or are they something that would even spoil your ability to relax with a pipe?
Either way, I hope you can find some way to dissipate your anger. I suspect it is hurting you more than it is hurting the one who has spurred your anger. Perhaps "resigned disappointment" can be an alternative to outright anger? You can't get blood from a stone, and you can't get adult behavior from someone who is incapable of it. But is the person UNWILLING rather than incapable? That's a tough nut to crack, but perhaps a resigned disappointment will serve your health and sanity better than allowing yourself to be stirred to anger.
Other than that, all I can suggest is FIBER. Lots of fiber. Cereals, breads, fruits -- however you can get it in you, to help get the other stuff OUT of you! Good luck with it all, Professor!
Hopefully things improve.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home