Damn Pipe

So, now to look at the bad.   The most significant bad thing I do right now that I need to fix is that I smoke a pipe.  I know I should not do this.  In my thoughts about this over the years I never thought I would have such a hard time at this.  I believe that there are two factors at play for me in this.... 1) the consumption of nicotine is addictive and I do need to deal with that.  But, there is a second aspect that is proving a harder aspect to get a handle on.  B) Smoking a pipe has some deep psychological aspects for me that I am not really sure how to deal with.  Those of you who read my earlier posts about my starting to smoke a pipe have a glimpse into a little bit of my psyche in regards to this.

What to do?  I am not really sure.  But here is what I am going to try today.  I am going to purchase a damn e-nicotine device of some sort and my initial plan is to have it substitute for one of my pipes I have during the day.  I will do this for a while figuring out what the e-device can help with and perhaps understand a bit better what are the real triggers for the real pipe.  After I do this for a while, I will then figure out my next step.  I hope this leads me on a successful path.

I did run today. It was 50 degrees this morning so I had on sweats.  I was not overly energized, but I forced myself to get it done.  I am out in the backyard again with my first pipe and letting the dog do her thing.  I feel sort of out of sorts this morning. Somewhat disgruntled.

I have so many ways I should be able to grow and be a better person, but I feel I am weak.  I feel ineffective.  I feel like a failure.  I wish I could figure out how to be the better person I want to be.  I wish I could overcome my lack of inertia in working to improve.

PipeTobacco