The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Damn Pipe

So, now to look at the bad.   The most significant bad thing I do right now that I need to fix is that I smoke a pipe.  I know I should not do this.  In my thoughts about this over the years I never thought I would have such a hard time at this.  I believe that there are two factors at play for me in this.... 1) the consumption of nicotine is addictive and I do need to deal with that.  But, there is a second aspect that is proving a harder aspect to get a handle on.  B) Smoking a pipe has some deep psychological aspects for me that I am not really sure how to deal with.  Those of you who read my earlier posts about my starting to smoke a pipe have a glimpse into a little bit of my psyche in regards to this.

What to do?  I am not really sure.  But here is what I am going to try today.  I am going to purchase a damn e-nicotine device of some sort and my initial plan is to have it substitute for one of my pipes I have during the day.  I will do this for a while figuring out what the e-device can help with and perhaps understand a bit better what are the real triggers for the real pipe.  After I do this for a while, I will then figure out my next step.  I hope this leads me on a successful path.

I did run today. It was 50 degrees this morning so I had on sweats.  I was not overly energized, but I forced myself to get it done.  I am out in the backyard again with my first pipe and letting the dog do her thing.  I feel sort of out of sorts this morning. Somewhat disgruntled.

I have so many ways I should be able to grow and be a better person, but I feel I am weak.  I feel ineffective.  I feel like a failure.  I wish I could figure out how to be the better person I want to be.  I wish I could overcome my lack of inertia in working to improve.



Blogger Sharon said...

Maybe you should try to just 'Be' and not dwell on it as a failure.

Tuesday, 19 September, 2017  
Blogger yellowdoggranny said...

when I first quit smoking I would buy a cheap cigar and just sorta chew on it and after awhile I didn't need to do that..

Tuesday, 19 September, 2017  

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