The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Apple Pipe


Yesterday, due to a plethora of off campus meetings, I had very scant time in my office, and regrettably did not get to post at all.  Today is going to be primarily bullet points of thoughts as well, other than my one focus at the end:

  • With the various meetings, yesterday, I did not get the opportunity to run like I normally do in the morning.  Due to that situation, I had to run later in the day.  With it being very sunny and warm yesterday, and my not wanting to get sunburned in the late afternoon sun, I ran at the U indoor track.  Fortunately, I was the only soul about.  I hoofed 8 miles (~13km) of track ovals.  
  • This morning, I was up and outdoors on the pavement by 6:00am.  I hoofed 14.1 miles (~22.5km).  
  • Feeling the typical "end of Summer.... push of business for preparing for Fall" sorts of stresses at the moment.  In my analysis of these stresses.... damn near all of them are related to having to meet with other instructors to "hash out" minutia that does not really matter, and ends up being some folks just yammering on for long periods of time.  Nothing said at any of these meetings will affect or alter my teaching or how I go about my teaching, so the unimportant minutia and lengthy yammering just cause aggravation and are stressful.
  • The pool my wife and I enjoy is closed for a few days for its annual "checkup" and "refurbishing".  In some ways, I think it is just a formalized/scheduled en masse vacation for the folks at the facility as the pool is always exactly the same when we return.  The lack of the pool is something my wife and I both feel as it has been such a wonderful help for me, and a great way for both of us to have some quiet, focused time together.  
  • PCS = 7.... still rather intense desire to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  

I *DID* have a dream two nights ago that was rather interesting, albeit a bit odd.  It was a dream of an actual memory from back in my graduate school days.  Back then, I remember reading in a magazine or newspaper or something similar about an "apple pipe".  What an "apple pipe" was, was a method that marijuana smokers would make a marijuana pipe out of an apple.  In the story I remember reading, it was described as a somewhat "surreptitious" way for these marijuana smokers to be able to do so in a more public area like a park or the beach.  

As you know from other posts of mine, I never tried marijuana even back then.... because back then I was worried I would like it... and this worried me because I already was not confident about my abilities to earn a Ph.D. (I was in graduate school, as I said)..... and I thought it best to not try something that *COULD* potentially make me rather non-motivated.... and further decrease the possibility I could earn a Ph.D.  

However, I DID find the idea of making a pipe out of an apple to be intriguing.  So, I decided to carve my own PIPE TOBACCO pipe out of an apple to see what it would be like.  I figured it would work, and hell, there used to be an abundance of apple scented aromatic pipe tobaccos (never really a favorite of mine).... so I new it wouldn't be *awful*.  So, that is what I did.  My doctoral mentor/advisor's lab in which I was working at the time consisted of a variety of rooms, one of which was a fairly nice tool/workroom. I remember one evening, after I was done for the day, that I had a fairly large Red Delicious apple that I had that I decided to make into a pipe.  I went into the workroom and using a saw-tooth drill-bit of a size pretty similar to the chamber of the bowl of the tobacco pipe I had in my pocket, I proceeded to gently drill an equivalent "bowl chamber" into the apple.  I then used a 1/4 inch regular drill bit to drill a long shaft at a 90 degree angle to the bowl chamber.  This then became in effect the stem and shank of the pipe.  

While I would often smoke my pipe in my advisor's lab (back during graduate school, graduate students were permitted to smoke and given this luxury, whereas he forbid undergraduate student apprentices/assistants from doing so),  I was NOT going to try out my "apple pipe" while I was in the lab.  So, I put the apple back in my lunch bag and took it home with me.  

Back at my apartment (at that time, I lived in the second floor of a small two story traditional home converted into three apartments (2nd floor, 1st floor, basement) , with two other graduate students occupying the first floor and basement apartments), I prepared my dinner (I ate a lot of turkey & tomato sandwiches in graduate school).  And after dinner, I pulled out the apple, filled the bowl with Prince Albert Pipe Tobacco, and used my Zippo to light the bowl.  

In some ways, it was a rather fun experience.  It felt REALLY quite odd to be smoking an apple pipe.  In some ways it felt "daring" and a little bit "bold"  as it felt "hidden" and almost "illegal" like it was when folks would use an apple pipe for marijuana.  

But, in many ways, it was just fairly "normal".  While I was anticipating the pipe tobacco smoke would be "apple flavored" in some way, apple flavor was barely perceptible.... it tasted pretty much like a regular bowl of Prince Albert (not a bad thing by the way, Prince Albert is wonderful stuff!).  The one "negative" which was rather minor was that the moisture of the apple added a bit of moisture to the pipe smoke itself, which made it feel a bit "hotter" or more "biting".  But, that was relatively minor.  

I ended up smoking the apple pipe three or four times that evening, and then tossed it the next day into the trash.  It was a silly, fun experience, very fitting of the times I guess.  And, it was delightful to have actually had a remembered dream about it!!!!!  



Blogger Pat M. said...

Of course, Professor, as you know, there are more conventional apple pipes !

Anyway, congratulations on a fun pipe dream!

Wednesday, 17 August, 2022  
Blogger Margaret said...

Oh, yes, I remember the time-wasting meetings about minutiae, listening to others yammer on while I had thousands of things to do in my classroom. SO frustrating! I'd never heard of an apple pipe. I thought it was a joke at first.

Wednesday, 17 August, 2022  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

So disappointed when I actually clicked to see that it was pipe and not pie. 🤓🥸

Thursday, 18 August, 2022  

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