The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Monday, May 22, 2023


Thank you, everyone, for your kind words to me after Friday's post.  I am still emotionally not where I want to be. But, I am not sure if that is even possible at this time.  But, I want to assure you that your kindnesses to me did help a great deal:

Pat:  I can understand how just simply ending my pipe fast could be viewed in a way as akin to a priest being released from his vows.  I have thought about that, believe me.  I am just not sure if I simply gave up and went back to them..... if I would feel the beautiful joy of my pipes and pipe tobaccos again, or if I would just feel guilt, shame, and worry.  The Chicago experience was sublime and damn near perfect.... I did feel joy, did feel all the pleasure of the pipe smoking experience, and I felt no guilt, no shame, and no worry.  It was everything I would like in my pipe smoking.

Margaret:  I am glad that you believe me to be a good person.   I believe I do TRY to be a good person.  But, I also do think I mostly fall short of what I should be.  It is a feeling I always have....but sometimes I am able to shove it into a corner, "out-of-sight" so-to-speak so I do not think about it.  

Anvilcloud:  I do try to be productive.... as one way to attempt to do as much good as I can.  I wish I could feel a sense that I was able to be productive enough to be helpful.  Your birdbath photos were a true bright spot in my day and I thank you for them. 

Pam:  I do not think your comment was rude at all.  I think there is a possibility I may have some form of depression.  But, then again, I am not sure if I would be classified as such.  And yet, the harder question is.... if I have some form of depression, is it situational (based on very sh*tty things that are happening) or is it a more organic (internal) depression?  Depending upon if it is situational or organic, the potential treatment options could vary.  

Peppy:  Thank you.  I have thought about therapy at times.  The one biggest challenge against therapy for me is finding TIME.  I struggle with finding time for a whole helluva lot of things I want or should do.  

* * * * *

So, the weekend was an emotional roller-coaster.  Both for me and for my wife.  My wife especially, has been having a hard time with the potential closure of our Parish Church.  She grew up there.  I am sad as well, but for me,  I worry more about the scattering of our family of parishioners.  The potential loss of our community is what saddens me.   

But, added to that, we had a celebration of sorts where we invited all our available kids to go with us to eat at an Indian Restaurant near us that has brought back their lunch buffet during the last month.  Like virtually all restaurants during Covid, buffets and salad bars were verbotten.  But now that the situation has stabilized,  some places are bringing back buffets and salad bars.  My wife and I were excited to have the Indian Buffet return. I was especially excited to have their Chana masala (curried chickpeas), their Palak Paneer (a spinach dish), and their amazingly aromatic and beautifully textured Dal (lentils).  Their butter chicken was especially wonderful too.  

At the Buffet, things were going well, and we had good conversation.  Until, the end, that is.  Near the time when most of us were getting close to finishing our meal, the person I try to no longer talk about here became a, for want of a better term..... the usual "crab ass" this person regularly becomes and starts complaining about "Are we going to get out of here, yet?"  The attitude, the demeanor.... the sh*tty facial expressions..... just turned our meal into simply indigestion.  I bit my lip because I was (and still am) angry about this attitude.  

My wife's typically response to the above crap going on from the person we no longer talk about here.... is to sleep.  She slept for about 3 hours in the late afternoon.  I laid with her for the first half hour or so, but I did not want to have trouble falling asleep last night, so I got up and did some cleaning.  It was not really the Sunday I had hoped for.  

  • I ran 15 miles (~24 km) this morning.  The run was "ok" overall.  I did not really WANT to run 15 miles this morning.  I did so, to try to give myself a bit of leeway this week for running outside is a challenge on Tuesday and Thursday when I have to be to the U BEFORE 8:00am.  In order to get in enough miles, I have to try to get as many as I can because Tuesday and Thursday mornings have been so "iffy" in terms of the mileage I get.  
  • A distant cousin of my wife's side of the family passed away during last week.  They had the visitation and funeral early on Sunday.  I found that rather odd.  I had never attended a Sunday funeral before. 


Blogger Pat M. said...

Reflecting on the ending of your buffet experience, I think it is important to point out that when people tolerate unacceptable behavior they become enablers of that behavior. Unless you are happy to see that behavior continue, you should not bite your lip. You should explain to the person that their behavior is unacceptable, and you should set boundaries. Tell the person that if they behave in an unacceptable way, they are no longer welcome in your life. Make it their choice, not yours. If they are determined to bring you pain, they are then choosing to be separate from you.

Professor, even Jesus Christ upended the moneychangers' tables. You can be a good person and still refuse to accept unacceptable conduct. Let me put it to you in an extreme way. From all you've written, I'm sure that if the unnameable person were to die in an accident, you would mourn and grieve... but you would then find your life far happier as that person's awfulness wasn't dragging you down any longer.

So, do you want that happiness in your life now? Set some boundaries with the problem person, and let that person decide whether or not to be "dead to you" because of the chosen conduct.

Monday, 22 May, 2023  
Blogger Margaret said...

Tricky when this person is your kid--not as simple as many believe. If this child still lives with you especially. I love Indian food and it all sounds delicious! P.S. Most of us aren't exactly as we would wish to be. The adage that "no one is perfect" is quite true.

Monday, 22 May, 2023  
Blogger DMP said...

Many Catholic churches in the North have been having this problem. historically they were built in smaller towns, so you had a separate church sometimes only 2 or 3 miles apart. This was the case back in rural Pennsylvania where I grew up ... about 2 /3 of those smaller churches have had to close in consolidation. luckily my hometown parish church was one that was consolidated to.
Now that I live in the South, Catholic churches are far less abundant (historically they are a relative new thing here, compared to the established Presbyterian and Lutheran, Baptist, and Evangelical churches) , but also tend to be larger and often situated between towns rather than in them, thus serving a wider area. My current parish is the largest catholic parish in the U.S.; pre-pandemic we were at around 45,000 registered parishioners. (slowly rebuilding up toward that level as we recover). The church has multiple priests; often we are used as a training ground for the newly ordained to get their feet wet before being assigned their own parish.
So while what you are experiencing up North is rather widespread there, in other areas we are enjoying solid growth as younger Catholic families relocate South and raise their children in the faith.

Tuesday, 23 May, 2023  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm sure your Catholic upbringing taught you that to honor one's parents is a fundamental human value. A child who hasn't learned that value is unlikely to learn any other significant values from parents, and there's nothing the parents can do to change that. An adult child who won't abide by "house rules" has no right to live in the parents' house. And the parents should think of each other's well-being as well as that of the adult child. A father may want to help his child, but if the child is wrecking its mother the father should think of his wife's mental, emotional, and physical health, and not just let the child continue to abuse its parents.

Tuesday, 23 May, 2023  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I am really sorry about your continued troubles with that certain someone. I have been lucky enough to live in clam households. It must be very difficult to have it otherwise.

Tuesday, 23 May, 2023  

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