Hello Friends:

I am in a melancholy mood and seem to have lost my muse in terms of writing more artistic and crafted sentences. Instead, it seems my mind is focusing on the brief details, and hence all I see in my own mind are lists. Here are some of them:

Sadness in Life:

1. It is hard when a dearly loved member of the family begins to have mental changes due to age. It is of course hard for the elderly person, but it also hard and harsh for those that love her.

2. Time is such a precious commodity, and it feels as if I keep losing any sort of grasp on time. It feels as if I used to be able to perceive the movement of time in ways that was helpful for me doing life activities. Now, however, especially in the last 3-4 years, it seems as if time is a vicious and rapidly moving rope that I am pulled by and cannot fathom.

3. I feel a looming presence of doom around me. As I watch my family and friends, I often become teary-eyed as I have all too graphically displayed in my imagination that each and every one of those wonderful family and friends that I love will be dead, be it relatively soon or at the very least in the next 100 years or so. The ache in my heart about this eventual outcome debilitates me at times. I know it is simple reality and is simply the way life is.... but sometimes, in certain mindsets, the glaring harshness and horror of this impending death is beyond my capability to keep in the logical part of my brain and it spills over to the emotional side. My emotional side has little to no skill in coping with the sadness, horror, and pain of the death of loved ones and all that happens is my mind grows fearful, my body grows tense and bowed from despair.

4. I feel a sense of pointlessness in me, in my role, and in my place in this world. I have always hoped to leave an important and significant mark on society. In my mind's eye I have always envisioned that with enough work and preservatives, I would be able to produce something of myself beyond the corporeal that could show that I was here. One thing of merit that would survive the ages. Perhaps it is too much to ask.


Happiness in Life:

1. Of the very few things that seem to be hopeful, the most significant is that John Kerry (as of this writing) seems to be 3% ahead of Bush in the polls. Of course this one tidbit of good news is overshadowed by the overwhelming Electoral College Vote lead that Bush still maintains. It appears it will be another "Gore" election.... Kerry may get the majority of the popular vote and still lose the damn, asinine, election to Bush.


Final note of sadness:

I have just learned of the death of Christopher Reeves. He passed away due to cardiac arrest as a result of massive, traumatic, systemic infection that arose from a poorly treated pressure wound (bed sore) he developed. It is so sad, he was 52 years old. I shall try to write more about Mr. Reeves later.

PipeTobacco