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Too Good To Be True

As I should have known, the seeming stability and gentle normalcy of life was too damn good to be true. My elderly mother, who has been relatively stable in her medications for almost one whole week is now starting to cough like she is coming down with cold again. Of course, she denies all of this, and so we all ask her each time she coughs if she is feeling ok, if she feels she is coming down with a cold, etc. Probably by tommorrow, we will start looking at her tissues that she discards for signs of yellow/green mucous again. That color of mucous of course means infection.

The infection means that she will have to take some form of antibiotic, and the antibiotic will give her diahrea, and that will make her stupidly think that she should stop eating and drinking again no matter how often I try to talk common sense to her, and that will of course dehydrate her and that of course will cause her other medications to go out of whack again, which will again mean there will be another hospital stay and that of course means she will be acting mean and rude and hurtful again, and that will mean i will be traveling back and forth between the U and between home and between the hospital.... and that of course means again, that I loose what little sense of freedom and normalcy I had... and that of course will make me feel angry.... and that of course does me no damn good... and will of course only make a hard situation harder... especially with the start of the fall semester only a few weeks away.

Life is b*llsh*t. Why is this crap happening in such a non-stop fashion? I barely had ONE damn week where things seemed reasonably normal..... I am not asking for rapturous joy, or an eternal party, or never-ending riches.... I am simply asking for a stretch of time where things are half-way normal and not in damn crisis mode every minute.

I am tired and angry again. It is so, so very annoying. I have been through this hundreds of times over the last 20 years... but it would happen perhaps 2 or three times a YEAR... and there would be long periods of normal life. Now it is 50% this crap, 25% dealing with annoying menapausal issues with my wife, and 20% cranked up student and/or administrative issues. One day out of 20 being normal is utterly unfair, utterly demoralizing and debilitating to my own mental and physical health.

What else is there to say? Nothing, it is pointless.

PipeTobacco