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Just the Right Word, "Transparent"

Abbagirl74 suggested that I was feeling "transparent" and I think that her choice of words was quite accurate. Transparency can be a good thing in many ways, but for it to be the way one feels about one's self is not a positive. When I say I feel "transparent", I am saying that I feel lost in a quagmire of emotion where I do not feel I matter as an individual, I do not feel as if the "me" who is there is valued. Instead, I feel as if I am simply a tool to accomplish other's needs and wants. While I cherish that role 99+% of the time, when it becomes the total of what I do for an extended period of time, I become as stated.... "transparent".

I have to find a way to pull the "me" out of the shadows again. I am striving towards that goal again. What shall I do? I am not sure, but here are some of the options:

1. Hide more in my inner office to get away from students who simply come by to grouse about their grade and how the "are trying so hard". When you have a semester with around 200 students, that alone can be overwhelming.

2. Make some changes in home time tables... when I get up, when I leave, etc. If I can convince the family involved how important this is, perhaps they will not become aggrivated at my request to have them get rolling earlier in the day.

3. Have one final "big push" to get the house ready for Winter so I can forget about doing that tiresome sorting and organizing and trying to find ways to squeeze summer things into non-existant spaces.

4. Purchase a pocket digital camera so I can find an easier creative outlet for me to be "me".

5. Instead of grafting everyone else's needs upon my schedule, I will attempt to make a schedule that is more focused on my needs and ask for some bending and flexing by those involved so I may have a bit of shoulder room in my day-to-day routine.

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I used to be a very gun-ho person about politics. I used to love debating political ideas and thoughts for hours upon hours. As of late, however, I find that most every politician and most every political cause is mostly a bunch of b*llsh*t. There is one organization, however, that I still have a modicum (meaning some, but limited) of respect for as it tends to focus more on issues. Therefore I have included a link to this place here:






My secondary reason for including this is that it has given me the HTML code so that I may know how in the future to insert images into my blog to liven this place up a bit.

PipeTobacco