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I Feel Like Crying

The drama of the illnesses in my family continues and all I want to do is crawl into a hole and weep and sleep. It is very hard to get up the energy or courage to do anything... I ignore work, I ignore exercise, I ignore creativity, I ignore everything about life that is usually good and wonderful and kind to my soul. All that envelopes my mind is wave upon wave of fear and worry and grief. The only respite I have currently is sleep, and that is what I do whenever the oportunity presents itself. I try to sleep, to forget, to ignore, to shelter myself from the worry, the grief and pain. All I see when awake is vomit, all I sense is edema, and swelling, all I hear are wailing cries. To love members of a family is both wonderful and harsh, for the harshness is living through the bitter anguish of their illnesses and often their demise.

I am at a lost on how to get better. I do not know if I can or should try to find some way to experience joy during this horror. I cannot see even a few moments ahead of me to know if there is a way to feel joy.

As a side issue, I am not sure about changing to "Beta Blogger". I do not want to, but it looks as if it will be required and therefore necessary. I do not wish to mainly because I do not want to give up my username. I am wondering if perhaps I could obtain a g-mail address (I do not know how, but I hear I can receive an invitation to obtain one or more) and use PipeTobacco as the e-mail name? I do not know if anyone has any of these "invites" but if so, please let me know and I would be most glad to accept such an invite.

PipeTobacco