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Note to Jay & What I Did Today

I only came on my site a few minutes ago and found a very thought provoking comment from "Jay". Sir, I thank you and I assure you I will be giving your comment some careful scrutiny and thought. It it not what my essay is about tonight, but I assure you I will be thinking about your words. Thank you.

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So, what did I do today? Primarily I started out feeling quite sad. I then went to work. At work I was inundated by people pulling at me and trying to bleed me dry of any sense of self. What this translates into is having given 4 hours of lecture today, having had 15 different students stop by my office for help and assistance, I spent an hour with Super Puppy giving him advice and help that he requested. I thought about the sad news I mentioned on Sunday and realized there is nothing I could do about it so I should just let it go. I tried to pray some today but could not concentrate. I spent about two hours making some signs for my wife that she needed for one of her projects. I went home and made dinner. We ate.

After eating, I screwed up enough energy to try to rejoin the community band I had played in for many years (until I stopped about 2 years ago when my mother grew very, very ill). It took me a while to find the place as practice had moved to another school in a nearby district that was willing to allow the group to practice. When I arrived, practice had already started, so I quietly opened my case and put together the myriad of pieces of my bass clarinet. I sat down and prepared to join in the next song.

We played a few songs and I felt quite rusty. One song we played was "Man of LaMancha"... the Broadway musical theme song. As many of you regular readers, will know, I have had a very special place in my heart and soul for "Man of LaMancha" for several decades. And, you loyal readers also know how I feel the beauty and philosophy of that storyline has been shattered in my own heart. The part for the bass clarient is a mix of harmony and counter melodies and is quite pleasant to play. In fact, when I had been in the group before it has been my absolute favorite piece to play not only because it was fun for the bass clarinet, but because of the joy I felt in the song itself. Tonight, after only about a dozen measures or so, feelings of sadness washed over me and tears began to stream down my face as I continued to play. The song is so much a soundtrack to what I used to believe and what I used to feel. I miss that being the soundtrack of my life. And yet, I do not think it can ever return to that position in my life. I wish it could.

By the end of the song, my moustache and beard were quite soaked with tears, but I did play my part accurately. I still love that song, yet I only feel melancholy when I hear it or play it now.

PipeTobacco