The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

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Death by Suicide

Last night, my neighbor's 27 year old son shot himself in the head in woods behind his home. His heart is still beating and his body is being assessed for potential organ donation. Other than those minor beats of his heart, he is dead. His brain, and hence himself, is now gone.

Suicide is such a horrid, wretched, ghastly thing to do to a family. A family, a neighborhood, nor a community in which the person lived will never again be the same. While I can understand how excessively harsh torments can drive a person to contemplate such an action, anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one this way would never wish to inflict this devastation on anyone they care about.

It has now been 15 years since my niece took her own life. She was 17 years old, and a senior in high school. She was very bright academically, and had plans to go to college and become a teacher. She swallowed a container of her mother's hypertensive medications and then went to bed. She was found, awoken, and was alert and conscious, and taken to the hospital. She had her stomach pumped. Unfortunately, too much of the medication remained and she lost consciousness and her heart stopped, and no amount of shocking the heart muscle could get it to beat again. This was three days before Christmas.

Our family has never been the same since that date. I have tried to describe the changes in my own mind, and sometimes on paper, but the changes are both ephemeral and as solid as concrete. The changes have altered us in ways that I suspect none of us would have wanted to be changed.

It is harsh, and I am feeling horrible. I just want to cry, and sleep.

PipeTobacco

10 Comments:

Blogger David Barber said...

Pipe, I can't start to think what you are going through anf feeling at the moment. It's a tragic loss of a life. Maybe a cry and a sleep would do you good. Hang in there, my friend.

Regards, David.

Tuesday, 20 April, 2010  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

That and young kids with fatal illnesses are bad stuff. Sorry for your loss, which will always feel raw for you.

Tuesday, 20 April, 2010  
Blogger 逸凡逸凡 said...

傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心......................................................

Tuesday, 20 April, 2010  
Blogger austere said...

Horrible.
tc, PT.

Wednesday, 21 April, 2010  
Blogger MRMacrum said...

It's always a shame when the young decide to check out early. I too have had someone close take their own life. The feeling of loss is indescribable. My thoughts are with you Sir.

Wednesday, 21 April, 2010  
Blogger Jules said...

WOW, this is my introduction to your blog! I feel like I've intruded.
What a thought provoking event indeed. Suicide is the ultimate most selfish act, sending out ripples of regret long after the event. I wouldn't even want to imagine that kind of despair.

I wish you Peace.

Friday, 23 April, 2010  
Blogger mago said...

IS suicide selfish?

Friday, 23 April, 2010  
Blogger BBC said...

Suicide is such a horrid, wretched, ghastly thing to do to a family.

I'm a spiritualist so it depends on how you look at it from that point of view. Yes, it's a shame that the young decide to check out, but look at it this way.

The spirit in them wasn't enjoying the human experience they were having so they decide to move on, to a different location and experience. Is that wrong? I can't say that I think it is, as a spiritualist. Just try being thankful that you knew them for a while, if you liked them.

Why did they not like it here? Got me, I don't personally know most of them that do that. But more often than not it has to do with trying to deal with life on this rock or their own fuck ups and things not being the way they would like them to be.

It's okay, just let them go, it was their decision. I do however think that if the spirit in a person wants to move on that they should go do it somewhere where they don't make a big mess for others to clean up, or to be a reminder, like out in a forest.

I've reached old fart status and I live in a right to die state so at some point in time I may decide to take that route.

Please don't feel bad for me if I do, but please do down a few for me if you catch wind of it.

Saturday, 24 April, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prof,
you are right, it is horrible, big time. When you feel like it, turn your sadness into anger, it is a step up the ladder to feeling better. Then just keep taking another step up.

Billy is a spiritualist? Now that is incredible. Do you think he was kidding you? I think he was trying to cheer you up by making outlandish jokes.

Hope you feel better soon.
Maybe see you at school.

Saturday, 24 April, 2010  
Blogger BBC said...

Yes, I am a spiritualist, just a rather odd one to many people, and I was serious about what I said.

I didn't say that those things are pretty or that they don't hurt others that may love them, but I look at it from their point of view also.

I've seen a lot of that in my life, others taking their own lives, and have pondered on it a lot.

I posted an interesting BOOK REPORT

Saturday, 24 April, 2010  

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