.
What To Do?
So, on MLK Day, I identified to myself and to you my friendly readers that I am tired of living my life in a way that is so filled with anger and sadness. Yet, I am to large extent unable to figure out how to change these emotions. So, I have undertaken a quest to try to figure out what the hell I can do to change myself.
I KNOW I am extremely lucky. I have a wonderful wife, I have a beautiful family with truly great kids. I have a job that is one that is very nice and well suited for me. I have a pleasant house, and monetarily I am secure and do not have to fear where the next paycheck is coming from. So, what the hell is my problem?
I truly do not know why I am so angry and sad much of the time. Yet, I do recognize situations that all tend to trigger in me the emotional cascade that leads me to feeling very angry and sad. The most common ones I recognize are:
1. Feeling rushed to meet someone's deadline.
2. Extraneous noise.
3. Repetitive noise that serves no purpose.
4. Having to repeat myself to someone more than 3-4 times.
5. Having an immutable deadline that I cannot alter.
6. When people fall asleep in a chair instead of going to bed.
7. Changes in plans due to SOMEONE ELSE'S schedule (not those that are my individual or my family's decision).
8. When people do not HEAR me (philosophically, they do not "get" what I am saying).
9. Losing or misplacing objects despite my best intentions to leave the key items of this sort (keys, wallet, computer flash drives, finger rosary, etc) in specific locations.
10. People who give me "attitude".
So, perhaps this assessment and outline of the times where I recognize I usually get angry and sad is at least a first step to trying to figure this out and help me figure out how to get rid of these feelings and become a better person.
PipeTobacco
10 Comments:
mmmmm, I would violate falling asleep in a chair. Dan hates when I do that but I like to nap in my chair. It's a constant battle with us. I fall asleep, he messes with me till I wake up and get mad at him. Sigh.
Seems like most of this list are things that you can't control.
Do you meditate? And do you know the Serenity Prayer?
Anyway, I wish you luck on this journey.
We can't change anyone but ourselves and that involves a lot of hard work and paying attention.
Sounds like some counseling might be in order to help you sort through your anger. Usually such persistent anger is rooted deeply in us and while it manifests as one thing, the actual causes are something else. It can truly change your life when you figure it out -- and you usually need help to do so.
Why should you care where someone else takes a nap? Get over it and some other things on this list. Like noise, most of it can just be tuned out.
As for deadlines they are just a fact of life for those working and if you don't make a few of them so what, no one makes all of them, even though those expecting you to make yours.
Try a little pot, it helps others chill out.
bull
Having to repeat myself to someone more than 3-4 times.
You are a teacher and you have not been told that it can take up to seven repeats for some folks to get and retain something?
9. Losing or misplacing objects despite my best intentions to leave the key items of this sort (keys, wallet, computer flash drives, finger rosary, etc) in specific locations.
You are an idiot like the rest of us, we all do that, so stop trying to be so fucking perfect and accept yourself for what you are.
I dislike every one of the things you listed with the exception of the chair sleepers. I would probably add, I do not like when people repeat things over and over. I DO listen the first time. Most of the time, I am not confronting these things and for that I am grateful and happy but there is a list of these things for a reason. Good luck to you. I hope you balance this stuff out with some things that make your day more pleasant.
Well, I guess you and I would never get along in the real world. Half the time I don't listen and the other half, I am probably snoozing in any chair that is convenient. I lose things often enough that I am in a constant state of re-discovery. I'll repeat a noise just to hear it again. And I love giving "attitude" when I know it will annoy someone.
We all have peeves. We all create irritations. You know what I began doing when someone hits one of my buttons now? I try to smile and move on. Certainly harder to do than write about it. But really, the next time some bonehead doesn't HEAR you, smile at them and stop the conversation. They will probably never HEAR you, so why bother?
You know what really irritates me is when folks don't recognize simple civility like holding a door open for them. I get snotty real fast.
I also hate it when the kids I sell bike products to cannot tell me how much change they have coming to them. Most of them can program a high tech gee whiz phone, but they can't add two and two?
Oops, sorry. This is your soapbox and here I go trying to make you share it.
As you point out, identifying the things that cause you distress is a great first step, or rather another step in figuring out how to deal with the world outside. And though we never really figure it all out, just making the effort is half the battle.
Interesting that almost every one of your items involved another persons behavior... Zirelda's comment about the serenity prayer is spot on. IMHO, it is not really a matter of "getting rid of the feelings"... Rather, consciously observe your negative reactions, consider them for a moment, then release them to the wind.
Also, perhaps you can redefine your expectations for mood. Make "good" the new "great".
Dirk
I keep trying to remember to check up on a good book on anger I have and give you the info.
I'll note that most items on this list are merely triggers. Some you know better (and I sometimes start laughing at some of my triggers and lose my anger) and some seem sensible. But, still, they are mere triggers. I find that a boost in exercise one day can cause more of an irritable mood for two days following. Lack of sleep is the same. Keep an eye out for those.
Looks like you have a lot of people looking out for you. Tell that to you anger sometimes. Breaking focus can help.
I'll bring up drinking again, but you should apply your own knowledge of the stuff--I certainly don't know how much your liver has to handle so that your brain has to repair some damage, which results in... do the research yourself.
And I still think you have perfection tendencies. You "expect" and cannot achieve. You "expect" of others and they either cannot or will not follow your expectations. So, deep down, you get angry and eventually it gets triggered. This is pure opinion, btw. I might be reading more of me into you than I realize.
Oh, and keep off henbane. Historically, berserk and henbane seemed to go together. Thanks for the tip-off.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home