Bad Mood
The day yesterday went well... until late in the day. I became upset at someone for not performing a task the right way, even though I have instructed the person on the matter, very literally at *least* 150 different times. It felt like I wasted my time, and it felt like I wasted my energy, and it felt rude and disrespectful. It made me very angry.
I should not have responded in an angry way, and I regret it, but I did. I spoke harshly to that person displaying my annoyance at the person and harangued on about it for a long time. I should not have done this. I should be better than that. I then became angry at myself for responding in that way.
I prayed about this issue this morning when I went through the rosary during my walk. I asked forgiveness, and hope it will be granted. I will also speak to this person today and apologize for my becoming very upset.
It is very hard for me to deal with people when they do something that is rude or disrespectful to me. I know I do not respond well when that happens, and I need fix that in myself.
Afterwards, I had an extremely strong craving to smoke my pipe. I know it was in response to all the emotions I was feeling. I almost faltered, but then I thought it through and told myself that the momentary pleasure of the pipe tobacco would be fleeting, and instead, I would end up being even more angry at myself than I already was because I would not have done what I told myself I would do Wednesday in regards to my pipe. So, instead, I gripped an empty pipe between my teeth, and did some slow, deep breathing exercises for about 15 minutes. It helped, and even though I was still angry at myself for getting upset, I felt a bit better.
Hopefully, today I will make amends, and will also feel better as well.
PipeTobacco
Today's (Thursday's) Goal =0 bowls
Yesterday's (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 0 bowls
20 Comments:
The anti-depressant aspect of tobacco (the nicotine, I guess?) is what you missed and wanted. When I quit a 20-year, 20 per day cigarette habit 28 years ago, I celebrated the first day when I hadn't had smoking on my mind or in the back of it for most of the day. That day does come and after that day come the days when you don't think about it for weeks, months, and years at a time. Cold turkey was the only successful method for me. That way I could avoid giving over what seemed like the entire day to thinking about smoking, can I have one now, how many I have had, how many will I have tomorrow -- just couldn't do it. Cold turkey meant I only had to keep one simple thought: I am no longer a smoker, thus I do not smoke. That cut out all the lower level decision making. And after all these years I am still embarrassed at how difficult it was for me. And, I must say, exceedingly glad I did it. I send you good thoughts and encouragement from New Mexico. It's okay to have loved something so much right up until the time you stopped. You don't have to hate it to quit it. You are gradually going to appreciate the gift you are giving yourself. Leslie
As a service manager that used to direct a crew of up to twenty I can assure you that you are going to get angry at times because when others screw around or screw up it fucks up your plan of action for that day.
Of course as the manager I could just fire the fuckie and hire a better worker.
Anyway, don't let it bother you to much, it's just human nature.
You did good not reaching for the pipe, pats on the back. I've been cutting back fairly well, guess that's progress for me.
" a hundred and fifty times" ?
You're the fucking stoopid one here.
Hahahahaha....
Anonymous, may well be right. :-)
Second Anonymous:
Perhaps I am the "stoopid" one here, but if you understood the type of relationship I have with this person it might be more understandable. I am the person's mentor, a sort of "father-figure" role. The task I have been guiding this person on is very, very challenging for this person, especially when it calls for hair-trigger, rapid decision making skills, which is not this person's strong suit. As a mentor for this person, it is my duty, role and responsibility to be firm, yet patient, guiding, yet open, and consistent and caring about this individual. My angry response was none of the above. That is why I am upset at myself.
So, while you may think I am "stoopid", I think I was unkind, and impatient, and impolite.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
Did you see that Amsterdam is banning smoking pot in schools? What a goofy planet, it should have never been allowed in the first place. I consider pot to be a recreational drug for adults. Adults that can handle it of course.
Or for those using it for medical reasons because it helps them. I'm not clear on how it helps them but I'm not in pain so don't need it for that.
Maybe you should find someone brighter to mentor? You can't save all the idiots on this rock from themselves, haven't you ever heard of Darwin?
First Anonymous:
Thank you very much for your comments and suggestions. I thought about the pure cold-turkey approach, but the idea of being away from pipes and pipe tobacco "forevermore" made me feel quite sad and unsettled. I know that for myself, the emotional aspects of giving up pipe smoking are the harder aspect for me to deal with, and so I came upon the current approach I have adopted. This is the "special occasion pipe smoker" approach. Thus far, while I am not perfect, I am having some success.
My thought is that if I keep this up, there may come a time in the future when being a "special occasion pipe smoker" no longer seems so special or necessary, and I may just end up being done with the hobby in entirety. But, I do not think I am at that emotional level yet.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
BBC:
As always, I really enjoy your comments... all of them!
You read that they are now banning smoking marijuana in Amsterdam schools? Haha! If you can find a link, please post it, I would find it rather funny to read myself!
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
This comment has been removed by the author.
BBC:
Now that marijuana is legal in your parts, did you dig out that bit you had and try it again? If so, tell me what it was like.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
Opps, that link didn't work, will try again.
BANNING.
No, there is no need for me to try it, I've just never been into pot, I just pack it to show my support for it.
However.... If I was offered some with sex I would try that experiment, although it may not help, it may make my pecker lazy and that little bastard is getting lazy enough. :-)
I'D LIKE TO SEE THIS HERE.
Pipe...
For me, at least, weed isn't that great. I tend to like to be in control at all times...it makes me feel like I'm not. I'm not able to "give in" and just get "mellow" like so many others. Instead, I feel the way I do if I'm givenpain medication...I try to fight it. I much prefer alcohol...it feels VERY different to me and I like the buzz.
As for your experience - I, too, have had the same, and am a mentor to several in the same role. I often feel guilty...but I'm trying to give myself a break and acknowledge that I'm doing the best I can. Especially at the present time, with round-the-clock grading and still trying to stay, at least partially, "on the wagon."
As for my smoking...I'm still trying. I developed a horrible allergy to the adhesive in the patch and now have extremely scarring (they tell me it's permanent) blisters on my arms...I also have a nasal spray (which cost $289!!!! Insurance does not cover). But I need to do this...my kids (especially my 9-year-old) wants me around for awhile. Still...I'll post more specifics when I can get out of finals hell.
Keep going...you're an inspiration...
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Do you suppose you're getting a cold? The sniffles, you know?Might explain irritability.
I think you're doing great with those damn pipes.
It's not the damn pipes, it's the damn tobacco. :-)
The only thing better than sex is sex with a good weed buzz on.
The only thing better than sex with a good weed buzz on is sex while tripping balls on LSD.
Have you ever been experienced?
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