Those "Damn Pipes"

Austere, a great friend and fellow blogger left a comment for me in my last essay where she stated that I was "doing great with those damn pipes".   I am very thankful for austere giving me this encouragement on the modicum of success I have been having.  I am also thankful for the encouragement I have been getting from BBC,  Doc Teri, and even an anonymous poster.  I am very appreciative.  I am continuing to be doggedly and damnably stubborn in my resolve to do what I say I am going to do.

The phrases "damn pipes" and "damn tobacco" that were mentioned in my comments section from yesterday, oddly enough, gave me a bit of a pause.  I do understand the sentiment.  Yet, the thought of calling both "damnable" made me feel a bit remorseful.

I think pipes are beautiful, many of them true works of art.  I have many, many pipes that I cherish, including several from my father and even two from my grandfather.  I think tobacco is an amazing plant as well.  I think it is quite beautiful when growing, I think it has amazing and interesting biochemical features, and as a consumable for humans, it gives an amazing phsysiological effect to us.

So, I do not think I can (at this time at least, and perhaps never) feel comfortable myself calling these items "damn pipes" or "damn tobacco".  I see too much I like in each and too much I appreciate about both.  Perhaps admitting this fact (initially to myself and now here as well), is helping me be a bit more successful in my reshaping of my relationship with pipe tobacco than I have ever been previously?  I think I can say with full conviction that I am, and I always will be neurally "wired" to be a pipe smoker.  I was a pipe smoker BEFORE I had ever sampled my first bowl of pipe tobacco (I have to remember to rerun the story of my first try a smoking a pipe, because I think it has relevance now again.).  I was (of course) a pipe smoker all during my many, many years of being a daily pipe smoker, and I think I shall remain one as a "special occasion pipe smoker" (my goal) and EVEN if I end up at some point in the future running out of "special occasions" and end up refraining entirely.

And, here is what I think may be the difference in my approach that is helping me.  I am fully stating for the record that I AM a pipe smoker... that is NOT changing.  What I am trying to change is my frequency of encounter, and making the choices more cognizantly my own, and not  something I feel driven to just "do".    When I used to contemplate quitting forever,  I would metaphorically hang the moniker "non-smoker" on a hook in my brain just to see how it felt to me, and it ALWAYS felt bad.  It always felt hollow and empty.  I always felt a sense of deprivation and a loss of self when I even thought about calling myself a "non-pipe-smoker." 

In my current approch, I do not feel deprived nor a sense of loss of self.  I of course do have nicotine cravings, but they have been bearable, and even my first big emotional test (see yesterday's essay) worked out relatively ok. 

And, while I was originally thinking earlier this week and gearing up for a "special occasion pipe smoking" event by planning to visit my elderly father-in-law this afternoon, unfortunately life has other plans for me.  I have a few unalterable duties I am going to be attending to this afternoon, and therefore, I have dubbed today's pipe goal to be "zero"  since I will not have the option to get over across the county to visit my father-in-law.

Maybe if I can get my act together and my grades done early enough between now and the end of the weekend, I might be able to finagle a "special occasion" visit for Monday or Tuesday of next week instead.  That is something to look forward to.  

PipeTobacco

Today's (Friday's) Goal =0 bowls 
Yesterday's (Thursday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 0 bowls