Monday
When a person has fear that can be acted upon, it *is* indeed important to try to confront that fear and do what *can* be done to allay that fear. Avoiding avoidance is key to that concept, and I do try to enact that as much as I can.
The adage of "A coward dies a thousand deaths, while a valiant man dies but once" has a *bit* of truth to it. Yet, truth-be-told, I suspect most "valiant men" are valiant on in a facade. That, or they have figured out a way to not *think* about the intangible, non-confrontable, non-mutable fears that a person cannot change. In reality, a person can ONLY change his/herself and (at least for me) there are some thoughts that bring about fear.... and since they are immutable.... they are not confrontable, and the best I can seem to muster is to sometimes ignore them.
* * * * *
A bright spot yesterday was that my wife scheduled and reserved a spot for our annual camping trip. It shall be somewhat around the early part of July. It has been a reliably wonderful time of family and friends and it gave me considerable comfort to think about and image the warm Summer breezes, the unique foods we only eat while camping, the lack of electronics, the more intimate nature of all of our interactions, and the feeling of being more whole.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
Great Monday thoughts! You are entirely correct that, as we read in the famous Serenity Prayer, it is vital to know the difference between the things we can change and the things we cannot change.
For instance, we can't change the reality of death, but we can try to live in such a way that we won't be filled with regrets and things left undone when we come to the point of death. Some years ago, I had a small health challenge that made me realize, "If I die tomorrow, I'll have left some relationships unhealed, and some important projects unfinished. I had better tend to those right away." Today, I can honestly say that if I found out today that I would die tomorrow, I wouldn't particularly WELCOME my death but I would accept it peacefully, knowing that I had fulfilled my purpose about as well as I could.
As an academic, would it be fair to say that there are MANY aspects of your field of study that are still mysteries? There's plenty of stuff in our world that we can't change, but instead of fearing it we accept it as a mystery. One of my best coping strategies has been to move some thoughts out of the "things I fear" category and into the "things that are a mystery" category. For instance, I don't fear the vast unknowable/unknown details of our universe, so why should I fear the prospect of a potential cancer diagnosis in the future? If it comes, it comes, but all I can do about it at this moment is take care of myself in a way that makes me less likely to contract it and various other diseases.
As a religious person, would you agree that God is either arranging or allowing the circumstances that you fear? If so, can you move from "I fear what God has in store for me" to "It's a mystery what God has in store for me, but I can trust Him as long as I am changing what I can, and not wasting effort trying to change what I cannot"? If so, your prayer then changes from "Help me cope with my fear" to "Help me understand the mystery when I'm ready, but until then help me accept the mystery."
I know it's presumptuous of me to suggest the above, but even if you react negatively perhaps you can learn something useful for your own struggle in how you thoughtfully reject these comments. Good luck with it all!
Pat:
I do not reject your comments. In fact, they are helpful to me.
What you speak of (moving from fear to acceptance and to trust and understanding) is a very good approach and a valid one. It is something I do strive to do.
Yet, sadly, I am better at understanding that sort of progression and better at recognizing its inherent value.... than I am in putting it into practice. I can even create a “facade” of sorts externally incorporating the ideas of being fully embracing trust. Yet deep, very deep inside my core.... that trust, that understanding is oh, so very much more shaky and infirm. It is hard to admit that, but it is true.
PipeTobacco
Tenting is fun. I am beyond it now, I think, but just a few years ago when we at the cottage (forest with many acres) we often chose to sleep outside in a tent.
A little chilli to think about camping.
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