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Ok.  So, today is the last day of 2021.  I thought I would start by discussing some of my statistics:

• When I ran this morning, I ran 8.5 miles to complete 55.2 miles for the week (88.8 km)
  
• In total during the year 2021, I have ran 2,800.1 miles (4,506.3 km).
• I weighed in this morning at 161 pounds (73 kg, 11.5 Stone).
• BMI calculates out to be 21.8 (right in the middle of "normal" BMI)
  
• Blood pressure was 100/65 upon awakening.
• Heart rate upon awakening was 52 BPM.

So, I have kept my health parameters in check and consistent through this year.  I am glad for this.  I am also happy to have accomplished the greatest number of running miles I have ever done in a single year.  I think that 2,800 miles is not too damn shabby for a grey-haired old codger like me.   I think running has been physically difficult and physically challenging, of course... but the benefits have outweighed the difficulties.  Running for me is a very significant tool that I use to help me to modulate stress to some sort of manageable level, the stresses and anxieties are a large part of my current life.  That has been running's most important value for me.  

What are my exercise goals for 2022?  I am not 100% sure yet, as I will be trying to firm these ideas up during the day today.  I do not know if I can realistically coax more miles out of my body each week than I currently do (I averaged 53.8 miles (86.6km) each week in 2021).  Perhaps I could manage to bump the average up to 55 miles a week.  I may just decide to aim for staying consistent and keep doing what I have been in 2021.  I think I will keep the goal from 2021 of running at least one half marathon run (13.1 miles, 21.1km) each month.  Maybe I should put on my goals for 2022, the idea of running at least ONE marathon length run (26.2 miles, 42.2km) during the year.  I really do not know if I could succeed in accomplishing an actual marathon length run without having any breaks or stoppages.  I really do not know.  If I do set it as a goal, it will gnaw at me if I fail, so I am not in sure if I should set that as a goal or not.

* * * * *

With tonight being New Year's Eve, my wife and I will write our "Hopes & Dreams" document that we have done each New Year's Eve since we started dating.  We have all of these from over all the years, and I have the prior years all in a book, and the 2021 sheet will go into the book tonight as I replace it in the picture frame with the one for 2022.  We have the picture frame hanging in our bedroom.  The frame is an 11x14 frame with a matte cut to have an 8x11 opening so we can hold the "Hopes & Dreams" document.  Even though the original ones during the earliest years were plain, during the last twenty years or so since I had a color printer, I have been making a bit "fancier" "Hopes & Dreams" sheet using computer imagery and card stock.  Most of the sheet IS blank, so we can write out our "Hopes & Dreams", but I have the card stock decorated with usually three small images I print on the sheet.  I am not sure of the images I will use yet this year, as I have to make that today, but in the center, I always have the words "Hopes & Dreams" for 'year' " in some pleasant color, and then usually one or two very tiny (~2 inch) images that I think bespeak of us as a couple.  I have used intersecting hearts, or an image of holding hands, or a variety of other images I could find over the years.  I will hopefully find some nice new images for these today.  

I am thinking of having some wine tonight as we get to writing out our "Hopes & Dreams" together.  My wife will likely take only a sip, as she really does not like drinking.  We will have some sort of snacks my wife prepares as well.  We will then alternate back and forth, writing with colorful pens, the hopes and dreams we would like to see in 2022.  With all the harsh things that have been happening within our family, I suspect we will both have many of our "hopes" be tinged and colored with worry and concern.  Probably not too many "frivolous" or "carefree" hopes nor dreams will be on the paper tonight, unfortunately.  

* * * * * 

When I look back at my life thus far, I can say that there have been three years that have been enormously harsh.  These three years are seared into my mind related to all the sorrow, suffering and pain that occurred within them.  The first year of this sort was 1994.  That was the year of so many harsh deaths in my family, including the death of my father.  The second year of this sort was 2007, which again had so very many hardships, most punctuated by the death of my mother.  2021 is the third year of this sort.  I am not speaking of the global pandemic.  That has been difficult for everyone worldwide.  But instead I am speaking of my own personal hardships.  Within my family, 2021 has been an unremittingly harsh, horrific, demoralizing and destructive year for my family.  I so hope that 2022 may be a better year.  

* * * * *

In regards to my pipes...  not sure what, if anything to say at the moment.  I want to smoke them, I would like to be indulging as I type away here.  I am always wanting to smoke them.  But, I can say it has been perhaps 6 weeks now since I have have felt a deep yearning to smoke my pipes.  I have to believe that this change may be progress of sorts opening up a potential to return to them.  

But, as I have said before, I am not sure if I should grant myself that wish of returning to them.  Nor am I sure if I would return to the practice in a way that I envision being "appropriate" in terms of lack of worry, in terms of consistency, in terms of doing "what I say I will do".... or would I end up simply "throwing in the towel" and just smoking at will, leading me back to the starting board of worry?  In some ways, I feel I am walking on a rail of the tracks of a train, and as long as I stay focused on the task of moving forward, I will reach the appropriate destination and may find a way back successfully to my pipes, but if I get side-tracked and listen only to my selfish desires to do only what I want, without careful thought, I will slip off the thin rail and will come tumbling to the ground in a heap.

* * * * *

I do hope that all of you have a relaxing New Year's Eve and a beautiful start to 2022.

 

PipeTobacco