Blue
Just bullets of stuff today:
- With all of the running I had already done this week, I only ran 7.1 miles (~11.5 km) this morning so I would not exceed my 55 - 56 mile (88 - 90 km) per week goal. I looked at my tabulator on my "gizmo" watch, and I have now ran over 1,820 miles (~2,929 km) so far this year.
- I am feeling quite blue today. A large part of it is due to "transitions". By this I mean that I KNOW in my own psyche, that change is disruptive to me and puts me on edge and has me feeling blue. I DO know and realize that change is inevitable, but that does not mean I know how to avoid the FEELINGS that change induces in me.
- A change that is partially responsible for the "blueness" is the impending transition to the start of Fall Semester. I do not know WHY after all these years (hell, decades), I still feel nervous and a bit edgy the last several days before the start of a new academic year. This edginess always dissipates in the first week of the semester as I settle into the Fall routine again, but before it happens, I do feel on edge. And, I have tried to figure out ways to avoid that "edginess" to no avail thus far.
- My MIL was evaluated for her potential to be able to move into an assisted living apartment and we will hear more about the results soon. It may be something that happens/becomes available as early as next week if she passes the evaluations. That, of course, is also a stress. But, it is something that is needed. Yet, she is also quite angry about it thus far, and if she does get to move into an apartment, I suspect my wife will need to stay there with her for several days until my MIL becomes more used to the new environment.... and HOPEFULLY begins to like the place instead of being angry.
- My wife's own Type 2 struggles are also weighing heavily on my mind. She is ignoring most of her dietary, exercise, and hydration goals she had set up. This pattern of "throwing in the towel" after about two weeks of compliance is a pattern that keeps her basically at the same spot with no progress... time and time again. It worries me, but I cannot enact the changes.... she must. If she did, it would be tremendously helpful for her health and wellness.
- PCS = 8 - there are a large number of thoughts and ideas gnawing at me in my mind about me just "throwing in the towel" in regards to my pipes and pipe tobaccos. I had thought I could eventually figure out a meaningful, occasional way to return to sporadic indulging in them. But a plan for this is not something I have figured out yet. So, a part of me wants to just say "to hell with it" and go back to them however and whenever I wish. The idea of doing this is both something I want to do, but is also something I am quite angry at myself for wanting to do. It is simply annoying.
3 Comments:
Professor, maybe you'd have some fun thinking about the fact that your running this year has already exceeded by around 200km the distance of a run from Paris to Moscow.
And while I can understand your upset about your wife's challenges in diabetes management, I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself about your PCS woes. Whatever choice you make is worthy of respect, not anger. You aren't some 18-year-old kid wondering whether to take up pipe smoking. It's one thing to say that most young people would be better off not smoking. It's very different to say that in your case, with your family history and your heritage of pipe smoking, and your personal decades of cultivating the hobby/pastime, the choice of abstaining or partaking is something to be "angry" or "annoyed" about. You've spent the last few years learning about yourself through your abstinence, and that's a positive. Continuing that is also a positive. But reconnecting to your heritage would also be a positive. So, ruminate as much as you need, but please don't let that rumination turn to anger or annoyance. There is no wrong choice; just choose what makes sense for you.
And how wonderful it is that you seem to have found a facility that will accommodate your wife not just visiting but actually staying with your MIL. I hope such an arrangement will help her transition to the new environment while she makes new friends among the other residents. I hope you get good news about your MIL's evaluation!
Hopefully good news about your MIL's placement. 37 years in the classroom and I still felt edgy and anxious before a new school year started. I hope your wife can get back on track.
A friend went into a retirement home for short terms relief form an injury. She liked it so much that within about a week, she signed a contract for permanent placement.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home